OMNIBUS CHAT.

Ir is essential to the full effect of a parody, whatever that may be, that the original—or, in other words, the thing parodied should be familiar to the reader. Now, several parodies which we have this month received, undoubtedly possess that advantage. We have had three or four versions of "The Sweet Little Cherub that sits up aloft," dictated by the happy event that has given a young Prince to Wales, and a glad Promise to all England; we have received half-a-dozen parodies on "Gray's Elegy," suggested by the conflagration at the Tower; and we have also been favoured with a like number of variations of the "Beggar's Petition," commemorative of the detection of the fasting philosopher, Bernard Cavanagh, in the act of purchasing a "saveloy." But although the originals are all well known, we are tempted to pass these parodies by, in favour of one upon a poem which should be well known too. We allude to Alfred Tennyson's "Mariana at the Moated Grange." Whoso knoweth it not, will wisely let what follows attract his notice to a singularly touching production; and whoso remembereth it, will read with better relish, and no irreverence to the Beautiful thus companioned by the Burlesque, our accomplished correspondent's ingenious story of

The intense melancholy of the solitary clerk, sighing in his ditch, brought up our scientific reporter, Charles Hookey Walker, with some lucid and valuable notes of an appropriate discourse lately delivered; we append them here, for the benefit of all the doleful clerks throughout her Majesty's dominions.

THE BRIGHTISH ASSOCIATION.-Section B.-Chemistry and Mineralogy. President The Rev. Hugh Wells. Vice-Presidents-Dr. Durham & Prof. Hammer. "ON THE FORMATION AND ANALYSIS OF A DIRECT SIGH." By Mr. F. Silly. The author stated that the sigh-direct was that to which he had paid the greatest attention. The "sigh-direct," he explained, was entirely different from the "sighinverse," the one being the production of the heart, and the other of the brain; the first being the thing itself, the second merely the symbol of the thing. He found the sigh-direct to consist generally of floating ideas, in the forms of "O dear!" "Ah me!" and "Alas!" held in solution by about their own bulk of a vague composition, formed of wishes and a cloud-vapour (of that class which is used as a site for erecting castles in the air upon), but which were so mixed and intercorporated, as to be inseparable to the nicest analysation. From the analysis, he had determined that the prime motive of a sigh is a longing for more; and that the functions thus acted upon expand the animal economy to its greatest extent, for the purpose of gratifying the longing for getting as much as it can of something, which, in this case, is only air. And this led him to a concluding remark on the extreme uselessness and futility of sighing, perceiving, as he did, that it only gave extra work to the muscles, for no tangible consideration.

Mr. W. R. FIXE read a memoir on the probability of there being a constant chemical action, producing results yet unknown, in the interior of the earth, and that a current of electric fluid was constantly circulating through mineral veins; and that this circulation through the veins of living rocks was of as much importance in the formation of new productions, as the circulation of the blood in the veins of living men.

Our esteemed reporter proceeded to describe the proceedings of another Section. Section D.-Zoology and Botany.

President-Sir Ely Phante. Vice-Presidents-Proffs. Munky and Nape.

"A NEW METHOD OF SUPPLYING AGRICULTURAL SURFACES." By S. Sappy. The author had often remarked the tendency of thatched roofs to grow corn; and it struck him that these, at present unemployed surfaces, should be made use of to conduce to the support of the inmates of houses. By growing corn in this manner a family might render itself partially independent of the farmer, grow its own wheat, and thus, at once, be elevated in the scale of existence! He would call this practice stegoculture. He had introduced it in some of his tenants' cottages, and could assure the Association that nothing could have answered better than that experiment.

Mr. SOFT observed it was one of those beautifully simple discoveries of application, as he would phrase it, which, like Columbus's egg, only required to be set up in the right manner, to stand a monument of ingenuity and genius to all future ages!

Mr. PLUNKEY (from the Statistical section) said, that this discovery had relieved his mind of a heavy weight; he had long hoped for some light to dissipate the gloom with which he viewed the increase of population, while the land did not increase, but, on the contrary, diminished; for, as generations sprung up, houses rose also; thus, as more crop-ground was needed, more ground was needed for buildings. But with the aid of stegoculture, he had now no reason to apprehend a scarcity of growing-room, but, on the contrary, it was evident to any geometrist, that the two sides of a roof were of greater area than the ground they cover, thus giving an increase instead of a diminution of surface. With the impressions he had of the usefulness of this mode of culture, he looked forward to the time when agriculture would vanish before the spread of human habitations, and the science of stegoculture become of universal application.

The PRESIDENT read a letter from Professor de Lenz, and the Schah Pyez, (Professor of Twigology in the University of Cairo), giving an animated description of their discovery of the skeleton of a male flea in the folds of a mummy cloth. The secretary then read the report of the committee which was appointed last year to inquire into the reason, "why crocodiles laid eggs." The report stated,

that, the Association having furnished them with means (£500) to prosecute this inquiry, so important to science; they found it absolutely necessary to take a long and arduous journey into Egypt, to investigate the facts upon the spot. They had run great risks in pursuing their researches: having killed a crocodile for the purpose of dissection (which act had filled the Arabs with horror, as they consider the crocodile holy), they had narrowly escaped becoming martyrs in the cause of science. They had examined many hieroglyphics, and had discovered upon some of the most ancient, figures of a crocodile with wings,-this proved them to have been at one and the same time inhabitants of the water, the earth, and the air, and therefore, from their assimilation to the functions of birds, they laid eggs. This the committee had concluded was the reason of the phenomenon. They also stated, that, from the various facts which had come under their notice during this inquiry, they had no doubt that dragons at one time existed, and proposed that a grant should be made for the purpose of searching for the skeleton of the famous Dragon of Wantley.

Mr. SMITH (of London) read a paper showing that the popular story of "Jack and the Bean-stalk" was founded upon the old tradition of the Lotus-eaters, and that the idea of the tale had been taken from the alleged power the Lotus-fruit had in producing an elevation-above-the-clouds sort of feeling in the eater,-which was only transferred into reality in the case of Jack: the injunction of Pythagoras to his disciples to abstain from beans, being supposed to refer to the Lotus, may have given the idea of a bean-stalk to the novelist.

Dr. DAUB stated, that by watering the ground round the roots of flowers with different chemical solutions, suited to the changes in colour wished for, he had been able to alter the tints of the petals to various colours, thus producing an agreeable and novel effect.

PLAYING ON THE PIANO.

The above communication having been read, a speculative listener suggested as a subject for one of the learned professors, the sympathetic connection which evidently exists between Music and Fire. He cited,

as an old example of this, the fiddling of Nero during
the burning of Rome; and related, as a recent proof
of the secret affinity, the following story: "It is
known," he said, "that during the fire at the Tower
the soldiers in the fortress, as well as others, were
occupied in removing the furniture of many of the
inhabitants; and free access was of course afforded
them for that purpose. In one in-
stance, a lady who had rushed up to the
top of the house to secure some valu-
ables, was, on descending after a short
absence to the drawing-room, astonished
to see two enormous British Grena-
diers' attempting to play the Piano; upon
being discovered, they struck up the 'Gre-
nadiers' March' to 'double-quick time,'
carrying off the 'upright grand' in a
very orderly and soldier-like manner.

By the way, as we have here recurred to the subject with which we opened this Number, the fire at the Tower, we may mention that a relic of the wheel of the Victory is yet in existence; for a friend of ours assures us that while the fire was raging in the upper floors of the Armoury he saw a person saw off one

of the handles of the said wheel; and if he have not yet given it into the hands

of the proper parties, we would recommend him to do so at once, or it may be made a handle against him.

It was upon another occasion that a lady and gentleman, who had just seen their opposite neighbour's house burnt down, were discussing the spectacle with great seriousness. "How I grieved," said the lady,

to see poor Mrs. Tims's beautiful damask curtains on fire.' "Ah," returned her husband, who had a musical taste, "I didn't so much mind the curtains; but what grieved me most was to see the fireman playing upon that capital grand piano of theirs."

The subject next started was equally seasonablethough not seductive. The poet is evidently in the situation of one of her Majesty's subjects that we know of-who is the parent of more of her Majesty's subjects than we do know of-who, in fact, declares that his house is so "full of children" he cannot shut the street-door for them.

NOVEMBER

AUTUMN leaves are falling round us

Now, in all the late green gardens ! Summer flowers would quite astound us-Rare are they as " Queen Ann's fardens!" Once green lanes are now mere sloshes; Garden walks are quite unpleasant; Cloaks, umbrellas, and goloshes,

Now are aught but evanescent! All the shrubberies are drippingPlots of grass are soft and spungyRoads seem only made for slippingAnd we fall like-Missolunghi ! Now the streets are clear of rabble

Shopkeepers find no employmentDucks and geese keep gabble, gabbleMocking us with their enjoyment! Now we cry, "When will it leave off?""What a very nasty day 'tis !""There!-'tis clearing, I believe, off!""No-how tiresome!-that's the way 'tis!"

WEATHER.
"Sarah," says mama, "my dear love,
Don't waste time in looking out there,
Come, and learn your lesson here, love-

-Jacky, mind what you're about there!" "John dear, MIND! you'll break that window, Come away, John, there's a darling!Jane, love, put away that pin, do!

Tom, do keep that dog from snarling!".
"There! you've broke it, John!"" Oplease,ma,
-Couldn't help it!"-(here a blubber)
(Enter Pa.) "Why how you tease ma!-
Peace, you little squalling lubber!"
"Pray, my dear, don't let the children

Break the panes and roar like this now-
Lauk, the noise is quite bewild'ring!"
"Pa, give little Jane a kiss now."
Sweet to be "shut in " and quiet,

Pleasant souls all snug together!
But when" brats" are there to riot,
Heaven defend us from wet weather!-
C. H. W.

MRS. TODDLES.

EVEN the most agreeable offices and employments of life are sometimes accompanied by melancholy misadventures; and the pleasure which we enjoy from month to month in the good-humoured reader's company, is now subject to a very serious drawback; for a painful duty is imperatively imposed upon us. We have to express our deep and poignant regret at being the medium, innocently and unconsciously, of wounding the susceptible feelings of a lady. We have hurt the feelings of Mrs. Toddles, by publishing some particulars of her life. It is true, we did not consider them to be in the slightest degree calculated to produce such an effect, nor did we vouch for their accuracy: no matter; her feelings are hurt, her sensibilities are shocked; and that deeply-injured lady is entitled to, and is hereby offered, the expression of our most sincere and heartfelt regret.

Thus far in deference and delicacy to Mrs. Toddles. We must now proceed to state that we have received a letter from Col. Walker, or Talker, as he appears to sign himself, in which he remonstrates with us for publishing some professed particulars of the life of Mrs. Toddles, demands satisfaction and atonement on her part, and declares that even while his letter was being written, that injured lady was in violent hysterics. We conclude

from the tone of the gallant Colonel's complaints, that the public mention of Mrs. T.'s "age" has given offence; and our correspondent is pronounced to be totally misinformed on that as on other points. We grant this to be possible; we did not vouch for the accuracy of Mr. Sly's statement, and are of opinion that no gentleman can know a lady's age

COL. WALKER, as he was seen when going to fetch the Peppermint.

so well as she knows it herself. Our maxim is, that every lady has a right to be, at all periods of her life, exactly what age she pleases-thirty odd at sixty-two if she likes. We also admit that every lady has a right to go into hysterics as often as she sees occasion; but because Mrs. T. chooses to exercise these sacred privileges of her sex, we do not recognise Col. Talker's right to threaten us with "law," or to attempt to frighten us with notices of "action." We are not to be intimidated there; we have too many lawyers among our acquaintances, and very pleasant fellows they are too.

But, after all, we cannot conceive that there is any very great harm done; for we are perfectly well aware, whatever Col. Talker may say, that Mrs. T.'s "fit" was not of a nature to show that her sensibilities had been very seriously shocked, and we shall at once let the Colonel into our secret. We beg to tell him candidly that we know all about it. The fact is, that a correspondent of ours happens to reside exactly opposite Mrs. T.'s first floor, and without wishing to spy into other people's apartments, or affairs, could not help being a spectator of the scene he thus describes.

He says that Col. T., entering Mrs. T.'s apartment on the first floor aforesaid, found that lady in a state of great excitement, the "Omnibus," No. 7, in her hand. After pointing in a very agitated manner to the last page, she drew forth her pocket handkerchief. The gallant Colonel paced the room evidently moved; he then appeared to be attempting to soothe her, but in vain-she shook her bonnet vio

lently, and went off in a fit. The Colonel hereupon, instead of rushing to the chimney-piece for the smelling-bottle, seized a pint decanter, and hastily quitted the house. Immediately after, the bit of a girl was seen attempting to force a glass of cold water upon her mistress, which only seemed to make her worse; for she kicked the girl's shins with those dear little bits of black legs of hers most violently, something in the manner of Mr. Punch after he has been thrown from his horse. The gallant Colonel, after a short absence, knocked at the street door, and the moment the girl left the room to admit him, up

jumped Mrs. Toddles-fact !-ran to the looking-glass over the fire-place, put her bonnet to rights, completing the adjustment with the usual side glances right and left, and then, to the utter astonishment of our informant, she resumed her seat-and her fit !-Oh, Mrs. T.!

We suppress the remainder of our informant's description, merely remarking, that the pint decanter, when Colonel T. drew it from his pocket, contained, to all appearance, some strong restorative, the virtue and quality whereof the Colonel at once tested, by tossing off a bumper in the most gallant manner. We have since ascertained that it was peppermint.

Whether our statement will be satisfactory to Colonel Walker we neither know nor care; but with respect to Mrs. Toddles we have expressed our contrition, and promise never to mention her age again. Any kindness we can render her will be at all times hers, and as a slight token of our sincerity, we respectfully beg that lady's acceptance of a pound of mixed tea, (eight-shilling green, and six-shilling black, very good,) which is left at our publisher's, if she will send her girl for it.