Have at it then: fair lady, can you love?
Awd. No, sir; what's that?
Pol. A toy which women use.
Awd. If't be a toy, it's good to play withal.
Pot. We will not stand discoursing o' the
toy:
[tress.
The way is short, please you to prove it, mis-
Awd. If you do mean to stand so long

upon it,

I pray you let me give it a short cut, sir. Pol. It's thus, fair maid: are you dispos'd to marry?

Awd. You are dispos'd to ask.
Pol. Are you to grant ?

Awd. Nay, now I see you are dispos'd
indeed.

Pol. I see the wench wants but a little wit; And that defect her wealth may well supply: In plain terms, tell me, will you have me, Awdrey?

Awd. In as plain terms, I tell you who would ha' me.

John Clay would ha' me, but he hath too hard hands;

I like not him: besides, he is a thief. And justice Bramble, he would fain ha' catch'd me:

[life,

But the young 'squire, he, rather than his Would ha' me yet; and make me a lady, he says, [service, And be my knight, to do me true knight's Before his lady mother. Can you make me A lady, would I ha' you?

Pol. I can gi' you

A silken gown, and a rich petticoat, And a French hood.

brave:

All fools love to be

I find her humour, and I will pursue it.

SCENE VI.

Lady, D. Turfe, Squire Tub, Hilts, Puppy, Clay.

Lad. And, as I told thee, she was inter-
cepted
[ruffian,

By the 'squire, here, my son, and this bold
His man; who safely would have carried her
Unto her father, and the chanon Hugh;
But for more care of the security,
My huisher hath her now in his grave
charge.
[we are
D. Tur. Now on my faith and holy-dom,
Beholden to your worship. She's a girl,
A foolish girl, and soon may tempted be:
But if this day pass well once o’er her head,
I'll wish her trust to herself. For I have been
A very mother to her, though I say it.

Tub. Madam, 'tis late, and Pancras is i' your way:

I think your ladyship forgets yourself.

Lad. Your mind runs much on Pancras. Well, young squire,

The black ox never trod yet o' your foot: These idle phant'sies will forsake you one

day.

Come, Mrs. Turfe, will you go take a walk

The devil! O the devil is in the barn:
Help, a legion— -spirit-legion
Is in the barn! in every straw a devil.

D. Tur. Why dost thou bawl so, Puppy? speak, what ails thee?

Pup. My name's Ball Puppy, I ha' seen the devil

Among the straw: O for a cross! a collop Of friar Bacon, or a conjuring stick Of doctor Faustus! spirits are in the barn. Tub. How spirits in the barn? Basket, go see. [over, Hil. Sir, an' you were my master ten times And 'squire to boot; I know, and you shall pardon me : [not: Send me 'mong devils? I zee you love me Hell be at their game: I'll not trouble them. Tub. Go see; I warrant thee there's no

Lad. Basket, I pray thee see what is the Tub. Come, go with me: I'll lead. Why, stand'st thou, man?

Hil. Cocks precious, master, you are not mad indeed?

You will not go to hell before your time?
Tub. Why art thou thus afraid?
Hil. No, not afraid:

[bara.

But, by your leave, I'll come no near the D. Tur. Puppy, wilt thou go with me? Pup. How! go with you?

Whither, into the barn? to whom, the devil? Or to do what there? to be torn amongst 'um?

Stay for my master, the high constable, Or In-and-in the headborough; let them go Into the barn with warrant; seize the fiend; And set him in the stocks for his ill rule: 'Tis not for me, that am but flesh and blood, To meddle with 'un. Vor I cannot, nor ĺ wu' not. [matter? Lad. I pray thee, Tripoly, look what is the Tub. That shall I, madam.

Hil. Heaven protect my master.

I tremble every joint till he be back.

Pup. Now, now, even now, they are tearing him in pieces;

Now are they tossing of his legs and arms Like loggets at a pear-tree 10: I'll to the hole, Peep in, and look whether he lives or dies. Hil. I would not be in my master's coat for thousands. [away.

Pup. Then pluck it off, and turn thyself O the devil! the devil! the devil!

Hil. Where, man, where?

D. Tur. Alas, that ever we were born. So near too?

Pup. The 'squire hath him in his hand, and leads him

Out by the collar.

D. Tur. O this is John Clay.

Lud. John Clay at Pancras, is there to be married.

Tub. This was the spirit revell'd i' the barn. Pup. The devil he was: was this he was [barley,

crawling Among the wheat-straw? had it been the I should ha' tane him for the devil in drink; The spirit of the bride-ale: but poor John, Tame John of Clay, that sticks about the bung-hole

Hil. If this be all your devil, I would take In hand to conjure him: but hell take me, If e'er I come in a right devil's walk, If I can keep me out on't.

Tub. Well meant, Hilts.

Lad. But how came Clay thus hid here i'
the straw.
[at Pancras,

When news was brought to you all he was
And you believ'd it?

D. Tur. Justice Bramble's man Told me so, madam: and by that same token

And other things, he had away my daughter,
And two seal'd bags of money.
Lad. Where's the 'squire ?

Is he gone hence?

D. Tur. H' was here, madam, but now.
Clay. Is the hue and cry past by?
Pup. I, I, John Clay.

[bangd? Clay. And am I out of danger to be Pup. Hang'd, John! yes sure; unless as with the proverb,

You mean to make the choice of your own gallows.

Clay. Nay, then all's well: hearing your news, Ball Puppy,

You ha' brought from Paddington, I e'en stole home here,

[since. And thought to hide me in the barn e'er Pup. Owonderful! and news was brought

us here,

You were at Pancras ready to be married. Clay. No, faith, I ne'er was further than the barn. [Dido Wispe,

D. Tur. Haste, Puppy. Call forth Mrs.
My lady's gentlewoman, to her lady;
And call yourself forth, and a couple of
maids,

To wait upon me: we are all undone !
My lady is undone, her fine young son,
The 'squire, is got away.

Lady. Haste, haste, good Valentine.
D. Tur. And you, John Clay; you are
undone too! all!

My husband is undone, by a true key,
But a false token; and my self's undone,
By parting with my daughter, who'll be
married

[not. To some body that she should not, if we haste

Hil. D'oge Scriben the great writer, sir, of Chalcot.

Tub. And who the rest?

Hil. The wisest heads o' the hundred. Medlay the joiner, headborough of Islington, Pan of Belsize, and Clench the leach of Hamstead, [bury. The high constable's counsel here of FinsTub. Prezent me to 'em, Hilts, 'squire Tub of Totten.

Hil. Wise men of Finsbury, make place for a 'squire

I bring to your acquaintance, Tub of Totten. 'Squire Tub, my master, loves all men of virtue, [on you. And longs (as one would zay) till he be one Cle. His worship's wel'cun to our company: Would 't were wiser for 'un.

Pan. Here be some on us

Are call'd the witty men over a hundred. Scri. And zome a thousand, when the muster-day comes.

Tub. I long (as my man Hilts said, and my governor)

To be adopt in your society.

Can any man make a masque here i' this

company?

Pan. A masque! what's that? Scri. A mumming or a shew, With vizards and fine clothes.

Cle. A disguise, neighbour,

Is the true word: there stands the man can do't, sir:

Medlay the joiner, In-and-in of Islington,
The only man at a disguise in Middlesex.
Tub. But who shall write it?

Hil. Scriben the great writer.

Scri. He'll do't alone, sir; he will join with no man :

Though he be a joiner, in design he calls it, He must be 'sole inventer. In-and-in

Draws with no other in's project, he'll tell you,

It cannot else be feasible, or conduce:
Those are his ruling words? pleaze you to
hear 'un?
[you.
Tub. Yes, Mr. In-and-in, I have heard of
Med. I can do nothing, I.
Cle. He can do all, sir.
Med. They'll tell you so.
Tub. I'ld have a toy presented,
A Tale of a Tub, a story of myself,
You can express a Tub.

Med. If it conduce

To the design, whate'er is feazible:
I can express a wash-house (if need be)
With a whole pedigree of Tubs.

Tub. No, one

Will be enough to note our name and family; 'Squire Tub of Totten, and to shew my ad

ventures

This very day. I'ld have it in Tubs Hall, At Totten-Court, my lady mother's house; My house indeed, for I am heir to it.

Med. If I might see the place, and had survey'd it,

I could say more; for all invention, sir, Comes by degrees, and on the view of nature,

A world of things concur to the design,
Which makes it feasible, if art conduce.
Tub. You say well, witty Mr. In-and-in.
How long ha' you studied ingine?
Med. Since I first

[year. Join'd, or did in-lay in wit, some vorty Tub. A pretty time! Basket, go you and

wait

On master In-and-in to Totten-Court,
And all the other wise masters, shew 'em
the hall,

And taste the language of the buttery to'em.
Let 'em see all the tubs about the house,
That can raise matter, till I come-which
shall be
Within an hour at least.

Cle. It will be glorious,

If In-and-in will undertake it, sir : He has a monstrous Medlay-wit o' his own. Tub. Spare for no cost, either in boards or hoops, [cooper, To architect your tub: ha' you ne'er a At London, call'd Vitruvius? send for him; Or old John Haywood, call him to you, to help. [alone.

Scri. He scorns the motion, trust to him

SCENE III.

Lady Tub, D. Turfe, Clay, Puppy, Wispe, Preamble, Turfe.

Lad. O here's the 'squire! you slip'd us finely, son! [mend you; These manners to your mother will comBut in another age, not this: well, Tripoly, Your father, good sir Peter, (rest his bones) Would not ha' done this; where's my huisher, Martin ?

And your fair Mrs. Awdrey?

Tub. I not see 'em,

No creature but the four wise masters here, Of Finsbury hundred, came to cry their constable,

Who, they do say, is lost,

D. Tur. My husband lost,

And my fond daughter lost? I fear me too. Where is your gentleman, madam ? poor John Clay,

Thou hast lost thy Awdrey.

Clay. I ha' lost my wits,

My little wits, good mother; I'm distracted. Pup. And I have lost my mistress Dido Wispe,

Who frowns upon her Puppy, Hannibal. Loss! loss on every side! a public loss! Loss o' my master! loss of his daughter! loss Of favour, friends, my mistress! loss of all! Pre. What cry is this?

Tur. My man speaks of some loss. Pup. My master's found: good luck, and't be thy will,

Light on us all.

Your ladyship comes to know any thing
In these affairs.

Lady. Yes, justice Bramble,

I met the maiden i' the fields by chance,
I' the 'squire's company, my son: how he
Lighted upon her, himself best can tell.

Tub. I intercepted her as coming hither,
To her father, who sent for her by Miles
Metaphor,
[dyship
Justice Bramble's clerk. And had your la-
Not hinder'd it, I had paid fine Mr. justice
For his young warrant, and new purs'yvant,
He serv'd it by this morning.

Pre. Know you that, sir?

Lady. You told me, 'squire, a quite other tale;

But I believ'd you not, which made me

Where we found John Clay hidden i' the

barn,

To 'scape the hue and cry: and here he is. Tur. John Clay agen! nay, then-set cock-a-hoop:

I ha' lost no daughter, nor no money, justice. John Clay shall pay. I'll look to you now, John. [ing. Vaith, out it must, as good as night at mornI am e'en as vull as a piper's bag with joy, Or a great gun upon carnation-day! I could weep lions tears to see you, John. 'Tis but two vifty pounds I ha' ventur'd for [dred. But now I ha' you, you shall pay whole hunRun from your burrows, son! faith, c'en be hang'd.

you:

An' you once earth yourself, John, i' the

barn,

['un ? I ha' no daughter vor you: who did verret D. Tur. My lady's son, the 'squire here, vetch'd'un out.

Puppy had put us all in such a vright, We thought the devil was i' the barn; and nobody

Durst venture o' 'un.

Tur. I am now resolv'd Who shall ha' my daughter.

D. Tur. Who?

sure

To save his stake.

Hug. What shall we do then, justice ? Pre. The bride was met 'the young 'squire's hands.

Hug. And what's become of her?
Pre. None here can tell.

Tub. Was not my mother's man, Pol-
Martin, with you?

And a strange gentlewoman in his company, Of late here, chanon?

Hug. Yes, and I dispatch'd 'em.

Tub. Dispatch'd'em! how do you mean › Hug. Why married 'em,

As they desir'd but now.

Tub. And do you know

What you ha' done, sir Hugh:
Hug. No harm, I hope.

Tub. You have ended all the quarrel:
Awdrey is married.

Lady. Married! to whom?

Tur. My daughter Awdrey married, And she not know of it!

D. Tur. Nor her father or mother!