fat men: how shall I be reveng'd on him? for reveng'd I will be, as fure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Ford. Miftrefs Page, truft me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And truft me, I was coming to you; you look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to fhew to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs. Ford. Well, I do then; yet I fay, I could fhew you to the contrary: O mistress Page, give me some counfel. Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? Mrs. Ford. O woman! if it were not for one trifling refpect, I could come to fuch honour. Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman, take the honour; what is it? difpense with trifles; what is it? go to hell for an eternal Mrs. Ford. If I would but moment, or fo, I could be knighted. Mrs. Page. What, thou lieft! Sir Alice Ford! these Knights will hack, and fo thou shouldft not alter the article of thy gentry. Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light; here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted: I fhall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking; and yet he would not swear; prais'd women's modefty; and gave fuch orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have fworn his difpofition would have gone But offender's trefpafs? Don't be fo unreasonable in your anger. 'tis a falfe charge against you. I am perfuaded, a fhort monofyllable is dropt out, which, once restored, would qualify the matter. We muft neceffarily read, for the putting down of fat men. Mrs. Ford fays, in the very enfuing fcene, I fhall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye, &c. And in the old Quartos, Mrs. Page, fo foon as she has read the letter, fays, Well, I fhall truft fat men the worfe, while I live, for his fake: And he is call'd, the fat Knight, the greafy Knight, by the women, throughout the Play. to to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere, and keep place together, than the hundredth pfalm to the tune of Green Sleves. What tempeft, I trow, threw this whale, with fo many tun of oil in his belly, a'fhore at Windfor? how fhall I be reveng'd on him? I think, the best way were to entertain him with hope, 'till the wicked fire of luft have melted him in his own greafe. Did you ever hear the like? Mrs. Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs. To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy letter; but let thine inherit first, for, I protest, mine never fhall. I warrant, he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank-fpace for different names; nay, more; and these are of the fecond edition; he will print them out of doubt, for he cares not what he puts into the prefs, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantefs, and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chafte man. Mrs. Ford. Why, this is the very fame, the very hand, the very words; what doth he think of us? Mrs. Page. Nay, I know not; it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honefty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, fure, unless he knew fome ftain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call it you? I'll be fure to keep him above deck. Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never to fea again. Let's be reveng'd on him; let's appoint him a meeting, give him a fhow of comfort in his fuit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, 'till he hath pawn'd his horfes to mine Hoft of the Garter. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will confent to act any villainy against him, that may not fully the charinefs of our honefty: oh, that my husband faw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. 3 Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes, and my good man too; he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs. Page. Let's confult together against this greafy Knight. Čome hither. [They retire. Enter Ford with Piftol, Page with Nym. Ford. Well, I hope it be not fo. Pift. Hope is a curtail-dog in fome affairs. Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, Sir, my wife is not young. Pift. He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor, Pift. With liver burning hot: prevent, or go thou, like Sir Acteon, he, with Ringwood at thy heels-0, odious is the name. Ford. What name, Sir? Pift. The horn, I fay: farewel. Take heed, have open eye; for thieves do foot by night. Take heed ere fummer comes, or cuckoo-birds affright. Away, Sir corporal Nym. Believe it, Page, he fpeaks fenfe. [Exit Pistol, Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true: I like not the humour of lying; he hath wrong'd me in fome humours: I fhould have borne the humour'd letter to her; but I have a fword, and it fhall bite upon my neceffity. He loves your wife; there's the fhort and the long. My name is corporal Nym; I fpeak, and I avouch; 'tis true; my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu; I love not the humour of bread and cheese: adieu. [Exit Nym. Page. The humour of it, quoth a'! here's a fellow, frights humour out of its wits. Ford. I will feek out for Falstaff. Page. I never heard fuch a drawling, affe&ing rogue. VOL. I. M Ford. Ford. If I do find it: well. Page. (12) I will not believe fuch a Cataian, tho the priest o' th' town commended him for a true man. Ford. 'Twas a good fenfible fellow: well. Mrs. Page and Mrs. Ford come forwards. Page. How now, Meg! Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George? hark you. Mrs. Ford. How now, fweet Frank, why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. Mrs. Ford. Faith, thou haft fome crotchets in thy head. Now, will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George? Look, who comes yonder; the fhall be our meffenger to this paltry Knight. (12) I will not belive fuch a Cataian, tho, &c.] This is a piece of fatire, that did not want its force at the time of the play's appearing; tho' the hiftory, on which it is grounded, is become obfolete, and loft to general knowledge. In the year 1575, Captain Martin Frobisher (who was afterwards knighted, for fervices against the Spanish Armada;) being furnith'd with adventurers to the project, fet out upon his difcovery of a paffage to Cataia, near China, by the North-wett feas. Having fail'd fixty degrees North-west beyond Friefland, he came to land upon a place inhabited by savages, from whence he brought a piece of black stone, like fea-coal, which, upon his return, being affayed by the goldfmiths, was judg'd to be very rich in gold-ore. This encourag'd him to a fecond voyage thither the next feafon; when he freighted two veffels home with this black ftone: and in 1578, his project was fo rifen in credit, that he fet fail a third time with fifteen good fhips; and freighted them all, homewards, out of the faid mines. But, to fee the odd fate that too often attends fuch difcoveries! Tho' the profpect of immense treasures was at firft so plaufible, that it was given out with certainty, Cataia was Solomon's Ophir; yet, on a fevere trial, this boafted gold ore proved to be mere drofs: and that falling fhort of the expected value, and the adventurers of their expected gains, the project fell fo low in repute, that Cataians and Frobishers became bywords for fuch vain boatters, as promis'd more than they could make out, and therefore deferv'd not to be credited. Enter Enter Miftrefs Quickly. Mrs. Ford. Truft me, I thought on her, fhe'll fit it. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Ann ? · Quic. Ay, forfooth; and, I pray, how does good miftrefs Ann? Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and fee; we have an hour's talk with you. [Exe. Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mrs. Quic. Page. How now, mafter Ford? Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me ? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em flaves; I do not think, the Knight would offer it; but these, that accuse him in his intent towards our wives, are a yoak of his difcarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men ? Page. Marry, were they. Ford. I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he fhould intend his voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loofe to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not mifdoubt my wife, but I would be loth to turn them together; a man may be too confident; I would have nothing lie on my head; I cannot be thus fatisfied. Page. Look, where my ranting Hoft of the Garter comes; there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purfe, when he looks fo merrily. How now; mine Hoft? Enter Hoft and Shallow. Hoft. How now, bully Rock? thou'rt a gentleman, cavalerio-juftice, I fay. Shal. I follow, mine Hoft, I follow. Good even, and twenty, good mafter Page. Master Page, will you go with us? we have fport in hand. M 2 Hoft. |