N° 7.

Tuesday, April 26, 1709.

Tis fo juft an Obfervation, That Mocking is Catching, that I am become an unhappy Inftance of it, and am (in the fame Manner that I have reprefented Mr. Partridge) myself a dying Man, in Comparison of the Vigour with which I first fet out in the World. Had it been otherwife, you may be fure I would not have pretended to have given for News, as I did laft Saturday, a Diary of the Siege of Troy. But Man is a Creature very inconfiftent with himself: The greatest Heroes are Sometimes fearful; the Sprightlieft Wits at fome Hours dull; and the greatest Politicians on fome Occafions whimfical. But I shall not pretend to palliate or excufe the Matter; for I find, by a Calculation of my own Nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable Wit longer than two Minutes after Twelve o'clock at Night, between the 18th and 19th of the next Month: For which Space of Time you may fill expect to hear from me, but no longer; except you will tranfmit to me the Occurrences you meet with relating to your Amours, or any other Subject with in the Rules by which I have propofed to walk. If any Gentleman or Lady fends to Ifaac Bickerstaff, Efq; at Mr. Morphew's near Stationer's Hall, by the Penny-Poft, the Grief or Joy of their Soul, what they think fit of the Matter fhall be related in Colours as much to their Advantage, as thofe in which Gervafe has drawn the agreeable Chloe. But fince, without fuch Affiftance, I frankly confefs, and am fenfible, that I have not a Month's Wit more, I think I ought, while I am in my found Health and Senfes, to make my Will and Teftament; which I do in Manner and Form following:

Imprimis, Igive to the Stock-Jobbers about the Exchange of London, as a Security for the Trufts daily repofed in them, all my Real Estate; which I do hereby veft in the faid Body of worthy Citizens for ever.

Item, Forafmuch as it is very hard to keep Land in Repair without ready Cafe, I do, out of my Perfonal Eftate, beftow the Bear-fkin, which I have frequently lent to feveral Societies about this Town, to fupply their Neceffities; I fay, I give also the faid Bear-fkin, as an immediate Fund to the jaid Citizens for ever.

Item, I do hereby appoint a certain Number of the faid Citizens to take all the Custom-boufe or Customary Oaths, concerning all Goods imported by the whole City; ftrictly directing, That fome felect Members, and not the whole Number of a Body Corporate, fhould be perjured.

Item, I forbid all N-s and Perfons of 2-ty to watch Bargains near and about the Exchange, to the Diminution and Wrong of the faid Stock-Jobbers.

THUS far, in as brief and intelligible a Manner as any Will can appear, 'till it is explained by the Learned, I bave difpofed of my Real and Perfonal Eftate: But as I am an Adept, I have by Birth an equal Right to give also an indefeafible Title to my Endowments and Qualifications, which I do in the following Manner :

Item, I give my Chaflity to all Virgins who have withfood their Market.

Item, I give my Courage among all who are afbamed of their diftreffed Friends, all Sneakers in Affemblies, and Men who fhew Valour in common Conversation.

Item, I give my Wit (as Rich Men give to the Rich) among fuch as think they have enough already. And in Cafe they shall not accept of the Legacy, I give it to Bentivolio, to defend his Works, from Time to Time, as he shall think fit to publish them.

Item, Ibeflow my Learning upon the Honorary Members of the Royal Society.

Now for the Difpofal of this Body.

AS thefe Eyes must one Day cease to gaze on Teraminta, and this Heart hall one Day pant no more for her Indignation: That is to fay, fince this Body must be Earth, I shall commit it to the Duft in a Manner fuitable to my Character. Therefore, as there are those who difpute, Whether there is any fuch real Perfon as Ifaac Bickerstaff, or not? I shall excufe all Perfons who appear what they really are, from coming to my Funeral. But all those

who

who are, in their Way of Life, Perfonæ, as the Latins bave it, Perfons affum'd, and who appear what they really are not, are hereby invited to that Solemnity.

THE Body fhall be carried by fix Watchmen, who are never feen in the Day.

Item, THE Pall shall be held up by the fix most known Pretenders to Honefty, Wealth, and Power, who are not poffeffed of any of them. The two firft, a Half-Lawyer, a compleat Juftice. The two next, a Chymift, a Projector. The third Couple, a Treasury Solicitor, and a fmall Courtier.

TO make my Funeral (what that Solemnity when done to Common Men, really is in itself) a very Farce; and fince all Mourners are meer Actors on thefe Occafions, I shall defire those who are professedly fuch, to attend me. I humbly therefore befeech Mrs. Barry to act once more, and be my Widow. When he favoons away at the Church-Porch, I appoint the merry Sir John Falftaff, and the gay Sir Harry Wildair, to fupport her. I defire Mr. Pinkethman to fol· low in the Habit of a Cardinal, and Mr. Bullock in that of a Privy Counsellor. To make up the rest of the Ap-pearance, I defire all the Ladies from the Balconies to weep with Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be Wives and Widows themfelves. Iinvite all, who bave nothing else to do, to accept of Gloves and Scarves.

THUS, with the Great Charles V. of Spain, I refign the Glories of this tranfitory World: Yet, at the fame time, to fbew you my Indifference, and that my Defires are not too much fixed upon any Thing, I own to you, I am as willing to fay as go: Therefore leave it in the Choice of my gentle Readers, whether I shall hear from them, or they hear no more from me.

E

White's Chocolate-boufe, April 25.

After Day being a Time when you cannot well meet with any but humble Adventures; and there being fuch a Thing as low Gallantry, as well as low Comedy, Colonel Ramble and myself went early this Morning into the Fields, which were ftrewed with Shepherds and Shepherdeffes, but indeed of a different Turn from the Simplicity of those of Arcadia. Every Hedge

was

was conscious of more than what the Representations of enamoured Swains admit of. While we were furveying the Crowd around us, we saw at a Distance a Company coming towards Pancras Church; but though there was not much Disorder, we thought we faw the Figure of a Man ftuck through with a Sword, and at every Step ready to fall, if a Woman by his Side had not supported him; the reft followed two and two. When we came

nearer this Appearance. who fhould it be but Monfieur Guardeloop, mine and Ramble's French Taylor, attended by others, leading one of Madam Depingle's Maids to the Church, in order to their Efpoufals. It was his Sword tucked fo high above his Waist, and the Circumflex which Perfons of his Profeffion take in their Walking, that made him appear at a Distance wounded and falling. But the Morning being rainy, methought the March to this Wedding was but too lively a Picture of Wedlock itself. They feemed both to have a Month's Mind to make the best of their Way fingle; yet both tugged Arm in Arm; and when they were in a dirty Way, he was but deeper in the Mire, by endeavouring to pull out his Companion, and yet without helping her. The Bridegroom's Feathers in his Hat all drooped, one of his Shoes had loft an Heel. In fhort, he was in his whole Person and dress fo extremely foufed, that there did not appear one Inch or fingle Thread about him unmarried. Pardon me, that the melancholy Object. ftill dwells upon me fo far as to reduce me to Punning. However, we attended to the Chapel, where we stayed to hear the irrevocable Words pronounced upon our old Servant, and made the best of our Way to Town. I took a Refolution to forbear all married Perfons, or any in Danger of being fuch, for four and twenty Hours at leaft; therefore dreffed, and went to visit Florimell, the vainest Thing in Town, where I knew would drop in Colonel Picket, just come from the Camp, her profeffed Admirer. He is of that Order of Men who has much Honour and Merit, but withal a Coxcomb; the other of that Set of Females, who has Innocence and Wit, but the first of Coquets. It is easy to believe, thefe must be Admirers of each other. She fays, The Colonel

rides the best of any Man in England: The Colonel fays, She talks the best of any Woman. At the fame time, he understands Wit juft as she does Horsemanship. You are to know, these extraordinary Persons see each other daily; and they themselves, as well as the Town, think it will be a Match: But it can never happen that they can come to the Point; for instead of addreffing to each other, they spend their whole Time in Reports of themselves: He is fatisfied if he can convince her he is a fine Gentleman, and a Man of Confequence; and fhe, in appearing to him an accomplish'd Lady and a Wit, without further Defign. Thus he tells her of his Manner of pofting his Men at fuch a Pafs, with the Numbers he commanded on that Detachment: She tells him, how fhe was dreffed on fuch a Day at Court, and what Offers were made her the Week following. She feems to hear the Repetition of his Mens Names with Admiration, and waits only to answer him with as falfe a Mufter of Lovers. They talk to each other not to be informed, but approved. Thus they are fo like, that they are to be ever diftant, and the parallel Lines may run together for ever, but never meet.

Will's Coffee-boufe, April 25.

THIS Evening the Comedy, called Epfom Wells, was acted for the Benefit of Mr. Bullock, who, though he is a Perfon of much Wit and Ingenuity, has a peculiar Talent of looking like a Fool, and therefore excellently well qualified for the Part of Bifket in this Play. I cannot indeed fufficiently admire his Way of bearing a Beating, as he does in this Drama, and that with fuch a natural Air and Propriety of Folly, that one cannot help wishing the Whip in one's own Hand; fo richly does he seem to deferve his Chaftifement. Skilful Actors think it a very peculiar Happiness to play in a Scene with fuch as top their Parts. Therefore I cannot but fay, when the Judgment of any good Author directs him to write a Beating for Mr. Bullock from Mr. William Pinkethman, or for Mr. William Pinkethman from Mr. Bullock, thofe excellent Players feem to be in