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chairs had worn off some of the qualify a person from being a pretail, and a greater frequency with fect? Is an additional joint in the society suggested not to store up coccyx to prevent a man sitting on their dinner in their jaws? Would the woolsack, or an extra inch in he like to see them at once take the astragalus to interfere with his their places in public life, become wearing spurs? If there be minute public functionaries, and ministers, differences between us, intercourse and grand cordons ?
will abolish them. It will be of inWould he not rather, with that estimable service to yourselves to philosophy his country eminently come into contact with these fresh, teaches, say, “I will do the pity fine, generous natures, uncontaminand the compassion. To me beated by the vices of an effete and the sympathetic part of a grace- worn-out civilisation. Great as are ful sorrow. To posterity I bequeath the benefits you extend to them, the recognition of these poor cap- they will repay you tenfold in the tives. Let them be liberated, by all advantages to yourselves. Away means ; but let it be when I shall with your unworthy prejudices be no longer here to witness it. about a black pigment' and long Let others face that glorious mil- heels! Take them to your hearts lennium of gorilla greatness.” and your hearths. You will find
I am afraid he would reason in them brave—ay, braver than your this fashion; it is one thing to have own race. Their teeth are whiter an opinion, and to have what French- and their nails longer; there is not men call the courage of your opin a relation in life in which you will ion." He would say, "If Nature dare to call yourself their better.” work surely, she works slowly; her I will go no farther, not merely changes are measured, regular, and because I have no liking for my progressive. With her there are no theme, but because I am pilfering. paroxysms; all is orderly—all is All these arguments—the very words gradual. It took centuries of cen- themselves—I have stolen from an turies to advance these poor crea American writer, who, in Horace tures to the point they occupy; their Greeley fashion, is addressing his next stage on the journey is perhaps countrymen on the subject of negro countless years away. I will not equality. He not alone professes attempt to forestall what I cannot to show the humanity of the project, assist. I will let Time do its work. but its policy-its even necessity. They are not ill-treated, besides ; Hedeclares to the whites,“ You want that large creature with the yellow these people; without them you eyebrows grinned at me very pleas- will sink lower and lower into that antly this morning, and the she- effete degeneracy into which years ourangoutang was whipping her of licentiousness have sunk you. infant most naturally as I came These gorillas-black men, I mean
—are virtuous; they are abstemi“What a cold-blooded philan- ous ; they have a little smell, but thropy is this !” cries another. no sensuality; they will make ad* You say these are our brothers mirable wives for your warriors; and our kinsmen ; you declare that and who knows but one may be the anatomy only can detect some small mother of a President as strikingly and insignificant discrepancies be- handsome as Ape Lincoln himself! tween us, and that even in these There is no doubt much to be said there are some of whose functions for our long-heeled friends, whether we know nothing, and others, such with or without a hypocampus as the prehensile power, where the major. I am not very certain that ape has the best of it. What do we compliment them in the best you mean by keeping them there taste when the handsomest thing
cribbed, cabined, and confined'? we can say of them is, that they Is a slight frontal inclination to dis- are very like ourselves! It is our
human mode, however, of express- sant on seeing a pretty girl, 'How ing admiration, and resembles the handsome she'd be if she only had exclamation of the Oberland pea- a goître !
THE RULE NISI.
A great many sea-captains dis- men rich enough to come to Parliacourage the use of life-preservers ment for relief ; we did with the and floating-belts on board ships of question what some one proposed war, on the simple ground that men we should do with poisons-make should not be taught to rely for them so costly that only wealthy their safety on anything but what men should be able to afford the conduces to save the ship. “Let luxury of suicide. So long as men there be but one thought, one ef- believed that divorce was immoral, fort," say they, “and let that be I don't think any one complained for the common safety.” If they that it should be limited to persons be right-and I suspect they are in affluence. We are a lord-lovwe have made a famous blunder by ing race, we English, and are quite our late legislation about divorce. ready to concede that our superiors Of all the crafts that ever were should have more vices than ourlaunched, marriage is one from selves, just as they have more horses which fewest facilities of desertion and more pheasants; and we deemed should be provided.
it nothing odd or strange that he, Romanism makes very few mis- whose right it was to walk into takes in worldly matters. There is the House of Peers, should walk no feature of that Church so re- out of matrimony when it suited markable as its deep study and him. thorough acquaintance with all the Who knows perhaps we were moods and wants and wishes of flattered by the thought that great humanity. Whatever its demerits, folk so far conceded to a vulgar preone cannot but admit that no other judice as to marry at all. Perhaps religion ever approached it in inti- we hailed their entrance into conmacy with the human heart in all jugalism as we are wont to do their its emotions and in all its strivings, appearance at a circus or a public whether for good or evil.
garden-agraceful acknowledgment Rome declares against all breach that they occasionally felt someof the marriage tie. The Church, thing like ourselves : at all events, with a spirit of concession it knows we liked it, and we showed we liked how to carry through all its deal- it by the zeal with which we read ings, modifies, softens, assuages, but those description in newspapers of never severs conjugalism. It makes marriages in high life,and the delight the tie occasionally a slip-knot, but with which we talked to each other it never cuts the string, and I of people we never saw, nor probably strongly suspect that it is wise in ever should see. It was not too much, its legislation.
therefore, to concede to them this For a great many years we gave privilege of escape. It was very the policy that amount of imitation condescending of them to come to we are wont to accord to Romanist the play at all ; we had no right to practices; that is, we follow them insist that they should sit out the in part-we adopt the coat, but, to whole performance. show that we are not mere imita- By degrees, however, what with tors, we cut off one of the skirts ; rich cotton-lords, and cheap cyclopæand if we do not make the garment dias, and penny trains, and popular more graceful, we at least consult lectures, there got up a sort of imour dignity, and that is something. pression-it was mere impression We made divorce the privilege of for a long time—that great folk had
more than their share of the pud- freeman, and the only course was dings' plums; and agitators began to lower the franchise. to bestir themselves. What were Let us own, too, we were ashamed, the privileges of the higher classes as we had good right to be ashamed, which would sit most gracefully of our old crim. con. law. Foreignon their inferiors ? Naturally we ers, especially Frenchmen, had rung bethought us of their vices. It the changes on our coarse venality was not always so easy to adopt my and corruption, and we had come lord's urbanity, his unassuming to perceive - it took some time, dignity, his well-bred ease ; but though — that moneyed damages one might reasonably aspire to be as were scarcely the appropriate rewicked. Sabbath-breaking had long medy for injured honour. since ceased to be the privilege of the Last of all, free-trade notions had better classes, and so men's minds turned all our beads : we were for reverted to the question of divorce. getting rid of all restrictions on “Let us get rid of our wives !" cried every side ; and we went about rethey; "who knows but the day may peating to each other those wise come when we shall kill wood. saws about buying in the cheapest cocks "
and selling in the dearest market, Now the law, in making divorce and having whatever we wanted, a very costly process, had simply and doing whatever we liked with desired to secure its infrequency. our own. We are, there is no deIt was not really meant to be a nying it, a nation of shopkeepers ; rich man's privilege. What was and the spirit of trade can be sought for was to oppose as many tracked through every relation of obstacles as could be found, to our lives. It is commerce gives throw in as many rocks as possible the tone to all our dealings; and we into the channel, so that only he have carried its enactments into the who was intently bent on navigat- most sacred of all our institutions, ing the stream would ever have the and imparted “a limited liability” energy to clear the passage. No even to marriage. body ever dreamed of making it an Cheapness became the desideraopen roadstead. In point of fact, tum of our age. We insisted on the oft-boasted equality before the cheap gloves and shoes and wine law is a myth. The penalty which and ribbons, and why not cheap a labourer could endure without divorces ? Philosophers tell us that hardship might break my lord's the alternate action of the seasons heart; and in the very case before is one of the purest and most enus of divorce, nothing can possibly during of all sources of enjoyment; be more variable than the estimate that perpetual summer or spring formed of the divorced individuals, would weary and depress ; but in according to the class of society the ever-changing aspect of nature, they move in. What would be a and in the stimulation which dilevity here, would be a serious im- versity excites, we find an unfailing morality there ; and a little lower gratification. If, therefore, it be down again, a mere domestic ar- pleasant to be married, it may also rangement, slightly more decorous be agreeable to be unmarried. It and a shade more legal than the takes some time, however, before old system of the halter and the society accommodates itself to these public sale. It was declared, how- new notions. The newly divorced, ever, that this “relief”- that is be it man or woman, comes into the popular phrase in such matters the world like a patient after the -should be extended to the poor smallpox - you are not quite cerman. It was decided that the pri- tain whether the period of convilege to get rid of a wife was, as tagion is past, or if it be perfectly Mr Gladstone says of the electoral safe to go up and talk to him. In right, the inalienable claim of a fact, you delay doing so till some strong-minded friend or other goes of divorce, showing in what classes boldly forward and shakes the con- frailty chiefly prevailed, with the valescent by the hand. Even still relative sexes, and also a glimpse there will be timid people who at the ages ? Imagine what a light know perhaps that their delicacy of the statement would throw on the constitution renders them peculiar- morality of classes, and what an inly sensitive, and who will keep aloof calculable benefit to parents in the after all. Of course, these and simi- choice of a career for their children ! lar prejudices will give way to time. For instance, no sensible father We have our Probate Court; and would select a life of out-door exthe phrase co-respondent is now posure for a weak-chested son, or familiar as a household word. make a sailor of one with an incur
Now, howevertempting the theme, able sea-sickness. In the same way I am not going to inquire whether would he be guided by the character we have done wisely or the reverse of his children as to the perils cerby this piece of legislation; whe- tain careers would expose them to. ther, by instilling certain precepts A passing glance at the lists of of self-control, a larger spirit of ac- divorce shows us that no “promocommodation, and a more concilia- vent”-it is a delicate title, and I tory disposition generally, we might like it-no promovent figures ofthave removed some of the diffi- ener than a civil engineer. Now, culties without the heroic remedy how instructive to inquire why! of the decree nisi; whether, in fact, What is there in embankments it might not have been better to and earthworks and culverts that teach people to swim, or even float, should dispose the wife of him who rather than make this great issue of makes them to infidelity? Why cheap life-belts. I am so practical should a tunnel only lead to domesthat I rather address myself to pro- tic treachery? why must a cutting fit by what is, than endeavour by sever the heart that designs it? I any change to make it better. We do not know; I cannot even guess. live in a statistical age. We are My ingenuity stands stockstill at eternally inquiring who it is wants the question, and I can only re-echo this, who consumes that, who goes Why? to such a place, who is liable to this Next amongst the" predisposed” or that malady. Classification is a come schoolmasters, plasterers, &c. passion with us; and we have bulky What unseen thread runs through volumes to teach us what sorts of the woof of these natures, apparentpeople have chest affections, what ly so little alike? It is the boast are most prone to stomachic dis- of modern science to settle much eases, who have ophthalmia, and who that once was puzzling, and reconthe gout. We are also instructed cile to a system what formerly apas to the kind of persons most dis- peared discordant. How I wish posed to insanity, and we have a some great Babbage-like intellect copious list of occupations given us would bestir itself in this inquiry. which more or less incline those S urely ethical questions are as who profess them to derangement. well worthy of investigation as Even the Civil-Service Examiners purely physical or mechanical ones, have contributed their share to this and yet we ignore them most ignomass of entertaining knowledge, and miniously. We think no expense shown from what parts of the king- too great to test an Armstrong or a dom bad spellers habitually come, Whitworth gun; we spend thouwhat counties are celebrated for sands to ascertain how far it will cacography, and in what districts carry, what destructive force it posetymology is an unknown thing. sesses, and how long it will resist Would it not, then, be a most in- explosion ;-why not appoint a comteresting and instructive statistic mission of this nature on "conthat would give us a tabular view jugals ;" why not ascertain, if we can, what is the weak point in ma- “welding" a failure; or, last of all, trimony, and why are explosions so however wounding to our national frequent? Is the "cast" system a vanity, do “they understand these bad one, and must we pronounce things better in France”?
ON CLIMBING BOYS.
With the common fate of all when indolence or weariness sugthings human, it is said that every gested sloth, the stimulus of a little career and walk in life has some one fire underneath, whether a few peculiar disparagement something lighted straws or a Birmingham that, attaching to the duties of the mass-meeting, was sure to quicken station as a sort of special griev- progress and excite activity. ance, serves to show that none of Again, I make this statement on us, no matter how favoured, are to the faith of Lord Shaftesbury, who imagine there can be any lot ex- pronounced it before their Lordempted from its share of troubles. ships in the Upper House :-“It is Ask the soldier, the sailor, the par- no uncommon thing to buy and sell son, the doctor, the lawyer, or the them. There is a regular traffic in actor, and each will give you a them; and through the agency of friendly warning to adopt any other certain women, not the models of career than his own.
their sex, you can get any quantity In most cases the quid ama- of them you want.” Last of all, on rum, the one bitter drop, is to be the same high authority, we are found in the career itself, some- told of their perfect inutility, "since thing that belongs to that one craft there is nothing that they do could or calling; just as the white-lead not be better done by a machine." colic, for instance, is the fatal mal- I resist, as I say, all temptations ady of painters. There are, how- of this kind, and simply address ever, a few rare cases in which the myself to the one point of similarity detracting element attaches itself to between them which illustrates the the followers and not to the profes- theory with which I have started— sion, as though it would seem there and now to state this as formally as I was a something in the daily work- am able. Let me declare that in all ing of that peculiar craft which the varied employments of life I warped the minds and coerced the have never met with men who have natures of men to be different from the same dread of their possible what temperament and character successors as sweeps and statesmen. should have made of them.
The whole aim and object of each The two classes which most pro- is directed, first of all, to give those minently exhibit what I mean are who do their work as little as possisomewhat socially separated, but ble, well knowing that the time will they have a number of small analo- come when these small creatures gies in common. They are SWEEPS will find the space too confined for and STATESMEN! It would be them, and set up for themselves. tempting - but I resist the tempta- A volume might be written on tion—to show how many points of the subtle artifices adopted to keep resemblance unite them-how each them "little"—the browbeatings, works in the dark, in a small, nar- the insults, the crushing cruelties, row, confined sphere, without view the spare diet intermixed with ocor outlet ; how the tendency of casional stimulants, the irregular each is to scratch his way upwards hours, and the heat and confineand gain the top, caring wonderfully ment of the sphere they work in. little how black and dirty the pro- Still nature is stronger than all cess bas made him. One might these crafty contrivances. The even go farther, and mark how, little sweep will grow into the big