Oh Burns! thou eulogist of whiskey
Which often made thee much too brisk, eh!
In drinking it, how greatly risk we;
It plays the deuce,

Not so, let's say it, Unusquisque
With this sweet juice.

Tobacco brings no man to ruin,
For very little serves for chewing,
And then he knows what he is doing,
But as for whiskey
Some mischief 'tis forever brewing
We feel so frisky.

Tobacco never plays us pranks

Nor throws poor bodies off their shanks,
Just reeling round as they were hanks
In swift rotations,

While whiskey will upset all ranks,
Through deep potations.

Then let Tobacco's fame be sung,
Oh may it roll o'er many a tongue
With it let every nose be wrung,
Save women's noses;

For should they use it-old or young
Love straightway dozes.

(For the Richmond Whig.)

MEETING OF THE LADIES AT THE CAPITOL.

"Aristocracy alone could ever have imagined it (community) to mean a privileged class, and sophistry only would pretend to include in it the women."

Were I a Man

I would remove these tedious stumbling blocks,
And smooth my way upon their headless necks,
And being a woman, I will not be slack

To play my part in fortune's pageant.-Hen. VI.

Most lovely, accomplish'd, and ill treated Ladies! Best part of creation!-attend to what said isFOUR SPINSTERS have met and determined together, To call on the women, that is, if the weather

Be not too inclement to meet in the houses,
Where lately our Fathers, and Brothers, and Spouses
Have dared to proclaim to a thunder-struck nation,
That Ladies have nothing to do in creation.

'Tis known to mankind how we hate all contention,
But garters! and stars! we must go to Convention:
We call on the married-maids-widows and all,
From the Miss in her teens to the Miss with her doll,
To come in a body, and dress'd in their finest,
And try in their beauty, who'll look the divinest;
You may be assured that a thousand beholders
Will be there, of the men, both the non and freeholders
To gaze on the charms which may thus be collected,
To ask at their hands, that our rights be protected.
Girls! put on your bonnets, the biggest you wear,
Oh lud! we shall cover the Capitol Square;
There'll hardly be room for such monstrous umbrellas,
But gracious! these bonnets so please the young fellows;
The matrons can wrap themselves up in pelisses,
The blood must be warm'd as it gradually freezes.
Let every dear tabby, inclining to pur,

Put on her angolas and muffle in fur;

But we that are young must be splendid and flashing;
Our shawls must be worn in a manner quite dashing,
Half off the shoulder and carelessly winding,
As if they were trifles not worth our minding;
Ev'ry curl must be held in complete requisition,
Our object you see is to improve our condition;
Ev'ry lip that is red-ev'ry cheek that is rosy—
From the brightest of eyes to the eye that is dozy,
Must be sure to be ready to work on the souls
Who wish to exclude our sex from their polls;
Bring together in short ev'ry species of beauty,
"Virginia expects you will All do your duty.”
We call on you, Daughters of old mother Eve!
To rise in your charms, and your rights to retrieve-
Nature never on earth, could have made such a blunder
As this, that the women be always kept under;
When ev'ry thing else in the world that is light
Gets up to the top, will you tell us 'tis right

That we tamely submit, in despite of her rules,
To be number'd with idiots, and class'd with the fools?-
Shall you who have dandled the brats on your knees,
And in Primers have taught 'em their A B and C's;
Who, Philosophers hold, have an infinite weight
In moulding their minds, be excluded from State?
Forbid it kind heaven!-these impudent frights
Have diddled themselves, by their own Bill of Rights.
"By nature all men are born equally free,"
But men are not women!-oh fiddle de dee!-
We say, and we deem it a great condescension,
We say, we will certainly go to Convention;
We'll send ninety-six of our prettiest girls,
And put all your noddles at once into whirls;
Your grave looking bodies-your Patricpaters
With ogles and sighs we could make 'em all traitors;
We wonder what monster would dare be so rude,
Such a bevy of beauty, from it to exclude?
We fear not the issue, we'll enter, and vote,
The Government change-Hurra! Petticoat!
Yes, that be the name! and in future all Writs
Shall run "In the name of the Petticoat," chits!
We'll punish you well for your want of respect,
How funny you'll look when your heads are all peck'd!
Why should not the women be suffered to vote?
Is there any good reason, we beg you to show't-
Do you urge they are volatile, fickle, and frisky?
Not half so much so as the swillers of whiskey;
Are they ruled by their Fathers and Husbands with
switches?

Nine-tenths we can tell you have put on the breeches;
Don't many pay taxes, and some of them fight?

A'nt you willing to do all that men do, Miss Wright?
They have governed as well as the men have, we guess,
What Monarch was wiser than English Queen Bess?
Go read of their chivalrous actions, and mark
What Hero did better than Joan of Arc ?

Look at Cath'rine the great, and forbear, sirs, to scoff-
Poh! hush about Orloff-Potemkin-Zuboff-
We all have our follies, and none had 'em more
Than Henry the Fourth, whom you almost adore,

Cleopatra-Zenobia-Semiramis Great!

E'en Pericles' mistress once govern'd the State :-
Examine, we pray, the Republic of letters,
And say if you can that the men are our betters;
What think you, ye poor and contemptible ninnies,
Of charming epistles like Madame Sevigne?
Of Genlis-of Dacier-of Madame de Stael?
They rush on the mind just as fast as the hail;
What think you of Hamilton, Edgeworth, and Moore,
Of Opie and Hemans?-I'd count up a score-

Is it fit ?-is it right that such exquisite tongues Should be mute, while your boobies are splitting their lungs.

We've thrown out a few of these hasty remarks,
Just to call your attention to some of our sparks-
Should they obstinate prove, should they turn us all out,
We are likely to have a most thundering rout;
We don't care a pin-we are used to a squeeze,
Let's have an Assembly and issue decrees;
Let us only be firm, and we venture our lives
They'll soon come among us to look for some wives;
Yes-now is our time-we may do what we please,
We'll soon have the rebels all down on their knees,
And then!-oh the thought is too vast for the brains-
We'll make on the Treas'ry such terrible drains-
We'll sparkle in jewels-we'll have such a ball! !-
And-what shall we have ?-come, come to the Hall.
FOUR SPINSTERS.

FOR MAKING A LONG SPEECH UPON ANY GIVEN SUBJECT.

Promising is the very air o' the time: it opens the eyes of expectation: Performance is ever the duller for his act; and but in the plainer and simpler kind of people, the deed of saying is quite out of use.-Timon of Athens, Act V.

You must gracefully rise, with a bow, from your chair, And begin-Mister Speaker!-with dignified air,

You had not intended to utter one word,

Where too much already, perhaps, has been heard;
But yet, notwithstanding, you find that you must,
Or you would not discharge, as you should do, your
trust;

You have not a hope you can shed a new ray

Where suns have been shining so brightly all day;
You will not attempt it—you are not so silly,

As soon "gild the gold," and as well "paint the lily;"
But you must be indulged, for a very short while,
Though your language be homely, and homely your
style;

It is far from your purpose to make a long speech, You must scrape on your fiddle, although it should screech.

Yes, promise the House, you will be very brief,
Just tell 'em so, man,-it will be a relief-
Protest that in all which you now mean to say,
You mean to be govern'd by strict cour-te-sy;
No member must think it-oh never-no, no,
That you mean to be cruel, and tread on his toe ;
'Tis not your intention to break through the rules,
Nor hint that all men but yourself are turn'd fools;
Each man has a right to maintain his opinion,
Long as Freedom shall reign in this Ancient Dominion;
You mean not to breathe a suspicion-'od's life!!
No doubt they are chaste as was Cæsar*-his wife.
Having taken this dazzling and beautiful flight,
Your exordium is free, sir, from ev'ry thing trite.
Go on now, with all that you do not intend,
And this is a subject almost without end.
Be sure, notwithstanding, in doing the same,
That you say ev'ry thing you pretend to disclaim;
Then mention the field which you mean to explore,
Though you never should think of your promises more.
Go back to the days of old Adam and Eve,

With the world in a sling, you may laugh in your sleeve;

The nature of this compliment seems somewhat equivocal, Casar himself being the greatest gallant in all Rome.-Vide Plutarch in vit. Cæs.