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Sir S. Odd, you are hard to please, madam: to find a young fellow that is neither a wit in his own eye, nor a fool in the eye of the world, is a very hard task. But, faith and troth, you speak very discreetly; “ for I hate both a wit and a fool.
Ang. She that marries a fool, Sir Sampson, for“ feits the reputation of her honesty or understand“ing; and she that marries a very witty man, is a “ slave to the severity and insolent conduct of her “ husband. I should like a man of wit for a lover, “ because I would have such a one in my power: but 5 I would no more be his wife than his enemy; for « his malice is not a more terrible consequence of his “ aversion, than his jealousy is of his love.
“ Sir S. None of old Foresight's Sibyls ever uttered “ such a truth. Odsbud, you have won my heart." I hate a wit; I had a son that was spoilt among them; a good hopeful lad, till he learnt to be a wit-and might have risen in the state.-But, a pox on't, his wit ran him out of his money, and now his poverty has run him out of his wits.
Ang. Sir Sampson, as your friend, I must tell you, you are very much abused in that matter-he's no more mad than you are. Sir S. How, madam! would I could
it! Ang. I can tell you how that may be done-but it is a thing that would make me appear to be too much concerned in your affairs. Sir S. Odsbud, I believe she likes me! [ Aside.] -Ah, madam, all my affairs are scarca worthy to
be laid at your feet; and I wish, madam, they were in a better posture, that I might make a more becoming offer to a lady of your incomparable beauty and merit.-If I had Peru in one hand, and Mexico in t'other, and the Eastern empire under my feet; it would make me only a more glorious victim, to be offered at the shrine of your beauty.
Ang. Bless me, Sir Sampson, what's the matter ?
Sir S. Odd, madam, I love you-and if you would take my advice in a husband
Ang. Hold, hold, Sir Sampson, I asked your advice for a husband, and you are giving me your consent. I was indeed thinking to propose something like it in jest, to satisfy you about Valentine: for if a match were seemingly carried on between you and me, it would oblige him to throw off his disguise of madness, in apprehension of losing me; for, you know, he has long pretended a passion for me.
Sir S. Gadzooks, a most ingenious contrivance. if we were to go through with it! But why must the match only be seemingly carried on? Odd, let it be a real contract.
Ang. O fie, Sir Sampson, what would the world say?
Sir S. Say? They would say you were a wise wo. man, and I a happy man. Odd, madam, I'll love you as long as I live; and leave you a good jointure when I die.
Ang. Ay; but that is not in your power, Sir Sampson, for when Valentine confesses himself in his
senses, he must make over his inheritance to his younger brother.
Sir S. Odd, you're cunning, a wary baggage. Faith and troth, I like you the better. But, I warrant you, I have a proviso in the obligation in favour of myself. Body o’me, I have a trick to turn the settlement upon the issue male of our two bodies begotten. Odsbud, let us find children, and I'll find an estate!
Ang. Will you ? Well, do you find the estate, and leave the other to me !
Sir S. O rogue ! but I'll trust you. And will you consent? Is it a match then ?
Ang. Let me consult my lawyer concerning this obligation; and if I find what you propose practicable, I'll give you my answer.
Sir S. With all my heart. Come in with me, and I'll lend you the bond. You shall consult your lawyer, and I'll consult a parson. Odzooks, I'm a young man; Odzooks, I'm a young man, and I'll make it appear--Odd, you're devilish handsome. Faith and troth, you're very handsome ; and I'm very young, and very lusty. Odsbud, hussy, you know how to choose ! and so do I. Odd, I think we are very well
Give me your hand; odd, let me kiss it ; 'tis as warm and as soft-as what :-odd, as t'other hand! -Give me t'other hand; and I'll mumble them, and kiss them, till they melt in my mouth.
Ang. Hold, Sir Sampson-You're profuse of your vigour before your time. You'll spend your estate before you come to it.
Sir S. No, no, only give you a rent-roll of my possessions-Ah! baggage !—I warrant you for a little Sampson. Odd, Sampson is a very good name for an able fellow. Your Sampsons were strong dogs from the beginning.
Ang. Have a care, and don't over-act your part. If you remember, Sampson, the strongest of the name, pulled an old house over his head at last.
Sir S. Say you so, hussy ? -Come, let's go odd, I long to be pulling too. Come away- Odso, here's somebody coming.
Enter Tattle and Jeremy. Tatt. Is not that she, gone out just now?
Jer. Ay, sir, she's just going to the place of appointment. Ah, sir, if you are not very faithful and close in this business, you'll certainly be the death of a person that has a most extraordinary passion for your honour's service.
Tatt. Ay, who's that?
Jer. Even my unworthy self, sir. Sir, I have had an appetite to be fed with your commands a great while-And now, sir, my former master having much troubled the fountain of his understanding, it is a very plausible occasion for me to quench my thirst at the spring of your bounty. I thought I could not recommend myself better to you, sir, than by the delivery of a great beauty and fortune into your arms, whom I have heard you sigh for.
Tatt. I'll make thy fortune ; say no more. Thou
art a pretty fellow, and canst carry a message to a lady, in a pretty soft kind of phrase, and with a good persuading accent. Jer. Sir, I have the seeds of rhetoric and oratory
head-I have been at Cambridge. Tatt. Ay; 'tis well enough for a servant to be bred at an university ; but the education is a little too pedantic for a gentleman. I hope you are secret in your nature, private, close, ha?
Jer. O sir, for that, sir, 'tis my chief talent; I'ın as secret as the head of Nilus.
Tatt. Ay? who's he, though? A privy-counsellor ?
Fer. O ignorance ! [Aside.)-A cunning Egyptian, sir, that with his arms could over-run the country, yet nobody could ever find out his head quarters.
Tatt. Close, dog! a good whoremaster, I warrant him!--The time draws nigh, Jeremy, Angelica will be veiled like a nun; and I must be hooded like a friar; ha, Jeremy?
Jer. Ay, sir, hooded like a hawk, to seize at first sight upon the quarry. It is the whim of my master's madness to be so dressed; and she is so in love with him, she'll comply with any thing to please him. Poor lady! I'm sure she'll have reason to pray for she finds what a happy change she has made, between a madman and so accomplished a gentleman.
Tatt. Ay, faith, so she will, Jeremy: You're a good friend to her, poor creature !-I swear I do it hardly so much in consideration of myself, as compassion to her.