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Nurse. Wee'st heart! I know not, they're none of. them come home yet. Poor child, I warrant she's fond of seeing the town l-Marry, pray Heaven they have given her any dinner! Good lack-a.day, ha, ha, ha! O strange ; I'll vow and swear now, ha, ha, ha! marry, and did you ever see the like!
For. Why, how now, what's the matter ?
Nurse. Pray Heaven send your worship good luck ! marry, and amen, with all my heart ! for you have put on one stocking with the wrong side outward.
For. Ha, how ? Faith and troth, I'm glad of it; and so I have ; that may be good luck in troth; in troth it may, very good luck: nay I have had some
I got out of bed backwards too this morning, without premeditation ; pretty good that too. - But then I stumbled coming down stairs, and met a weasel ; bad omens those ! Some bad, some good ; our lives are checquered: mirth and sorrow, want and plenty, night and day, make up our time.-But, in troth, I am pleased at my stocking-very well pleased at my stocking !--Oh, here's my niece !Sirrah, go tell Sir Sampson Legend I'll wait on him if he's at leisure. -'Tis now three o'clock, a very good hour for business ; Mercury governs this hour.
Enter ANGELICA. Ang. Is it not a good hour for pleasure too, uncle? Pray lend me your coach ; mine's out of order. For. What, would you be gadding too ? Sure all
females are mad to-day.It is of evil portent, and bodes mischief to the master of a family. I remember an old prophecy, written by Messahalah the Arabian, and thus translated by a reverend Buek. inghamshire bard:
When housewives all the house forsakė,
No mar’l, if it be fruitful found. Fruitful, the head fruitful : that bodes horns; the fruit of the head is horns; Dear niece, stay at home --for by the head of the house is meant the husband ; the prophecy needs no explanation.
Ang. Well, but I can neither make you a cuckold, uncle, by going abroad ; nor secure you from being one, by staying at home.
For. Yes, yes; while there's one woman left, the prophecy is not in full force.
Ang. But my inclinations are in force. I have a mind to go abroad ; and if you won't lend me your coach, l'll take a hackney, or a chair; and leave you to erect a scheme, and find who's in conjunction with your wife. Why don't you keep her at home, if you're jealous of her when she's abroad? You know my aunt is a little retrograde (as you call it) in her nature. Uncle, I'm afraid you are not lord of the ascendant! ha, ha, ha !
For. Well, jill-flirt, you are very pert_and always ridiculing that celestial science.
Ang. Nay, uncle, don't be angry.-If you are, I'll reap up all your false prophecies, ridiculous dreams, and idle divinations. I'll swear, you are a nuisance to the neighbourhood. What a bustle did you keep against the last invisible eclipse, laying in provision, as it were for a siege ! What a world of fire and candle, matches and tinderboxes, did you purchase! One would have thought we were after to live under ground; or at least make a voyage to Greenland, to inhabit there all the dark season. For. Why, you malapert slut !
you lend me your coach ? or I'll go on. -Nay, I'll declare how you prophesied popery was coming, only because the butler had mislaid some of the apostle spoons, and thought they were lost. Away went religion and spoon-meat together !-Indeed, uncle, I'll indite you for a wizard.
For. How, hussy! was there ever such a provoking minx ?
Nurse. O merciful father, how she talks !
Ang. Yes, I can make oath of your unlawful midnight practices; you and the old nurse there.
Nurse. Marry, Heaven defend !—I at midnight practices !-O Lord, what's here to do?-I in unlawful doings with my master's worship!-Why, did you ever hear the like now ?-Sir, did ever I do any thing of your midnight concerns—but warm your bed, and tuck you up, and set the candle and your
tobacco-box and your urinal by you, and now and then rub the soles of your feet -0 Lord, I !
Ang. Yes, I saw you together, through the keyhole of the closet, one night, like Saul and the witch of Endor, turning the sieve and sheers, and pricking your thumbs, to write poor innocent servants names in blood, about a little nutmeg-grater, which she had forgot in the caudle-cup.-Nay, I know something worse, if I would speak of it!
For. I defy you, hussy; but I'll remember this. I'll be revenged on you, cockatrice ; I'll hamper you -You have your fortune in your own hands--but I'll find a way to make your lover, your prodigal spendthrift gallant, Valentine, pay for all, I will.
Ang. Will you? I care not; but all shall out then. - Look to it, nurse; I can bring witness that you " have a great unnatural teát under your left arm, « and he another; and that you sucklé a young de“ vil, in the shape of a tabby cat, by turns ; I can.
“ Nursé. A teaf; a teát, I an unnatural teat! O " the false slanderous thing! Feel, feel here'; if I “ have any thing but like another Christian !"
[Crying. For. I will have patience, since it is the will of the stars I should be thus tormented this is the effect of the malicious conjunctions and oppositions in the third house of my nativity; there the curse of kindred was foretold.-But I will have my doors locked up, I'll punish you; nct a man shall enter my house.
ring. Do, uncle, lock them up quickly, before my
aunt comes home-you'll have a letter for alimony to-morrow morning !-But let me be gone first; and then let no mankind come near the house : but convérsế with spirits and the celestial signs, the bull and thë ram, and the gợat. Bless me, there are a great many horned beasts among the twelve signs, uncle ! But cuckolds go to Heaven !
For. But there's but one virgin among the twelve signs, spit-fire-but one virgin!
Ang. Nor there had not been that one, if she had had to do with any thing but astrologers, uncle ! That makes my aunt go abroad.
For. How! how ! is that the reason ? Come, you know something'; tell me, and I'll forgive you; do, good niece. ---Come, you shall have my coach and horses--faith and troth, you shall.-Does my wife complain? Come, I know women tell one another. ---She is young and sanguine, has a wanton hazel eye, and was born under Gemini, which may incline her to society; she has a mole upon her lip, with a moist palm, and an open liberality on the mount of Venus.
Ang. Ha, ha, ha!
For. Do you laugh --Well, gentlewoman, l'llBut come, be a good girl, don't perplex your poor uncle! Tell me won't you speak? Odd, I'll
Enter Servant. Serv. Sir Sampson is coming down, to wait upon
[Exit. Ang. Good b'ye, uncle.--Call me a chair.-I'll