Capt. Sav. In the happiest unions, my dearest creature, there must be always something to overlook on both sides. Miss Wal. Very civil, truly! Capt. Sav. Pardon me, my life, for this frankness! and recollect, that if the lover has, through misconception, been unhappily guilty, he brings a husband altogether reformed to your hands. Miss Wal. Well, I see I must forgive you at last; so I may as well make merit of necessity, you provoking creature. Capt. Sav. And may I hope, indeed, for the blessing of this hand? Miss Wal. Why, you wretch, would you have me force it upon you? I think, after what I have said, a soldier might have ventured to take it, without further ceremony. Capt. Sav. Angelic creature! thus I seize it, as my lawful prize. Miss Wal. Well, but now you have obtained this inestimable prize, captain, give me again leave to ask, if you have had a certain explanation with the general? Capt. Sav. How can you doubt it? Miss Wal. And he is really impatient for our marriage? Capt. Sav. 'Tis incredible how earnest he is. Miss Wal. What, did he tell you of his interview with me this evening, when he brought Mr'] Torrington? Capt. Sav. He did. Miss Wal. O, then I can have no doubt. Capt. Sav. If a shadow of doubt remains, here he comes to remove it. Joy! my dear sir! joy a thousand times! Enter GENERAL SAVAGE and TORRINGTON. Gen. Sav. What, my dear boy, have you carried the day? Miss Wal. I have been weak enough to indulge him with a victory, indeed, general. Gen. Sav. [Singing.] None but the brave, none but the brave, &c. Tor. I congratulate you heartily on this decrec, general. Gen. Sav. This had nearly proved a day of disappointment; but the stars have fortunately turned it in my favour, and now I reap the rich reward of my victory. [Salutes her. Cupt. Sav. And here I take her from you, as the greatest good which Heaven can send me. Miss Wal. O, captain! Gen. Sav. You take her as the greatest good which Heaven can send you, sirrah! I take her as the greatest good which Heaven can send me! And now, what have you to say to her? Miss Wal. General Savage! Tor. Here will be a fresh injunction to stop proceedings. Miss Wal. Are you never to have done with mistakes? Gen. Sav. What mistakes can have happened now, my sweetest? you delivered up your dear hand to me this moment? Miss Wal. True, sir; but I thought you were going to bestow my dear hand upon this dear gentleman. Gen. Sav. How! that dear gentleman! None but the brave, &c. Noble minds shall ne'er despair, &c. Gen. Sav. Zounds! here's all the company pouring upon us in full gallop, and I shall be the laughing-stock of the whole town. Enter BELVILLE, MRS BELVILLE, LADY RACHEL, LEESON, and CONOLLY. Bel. Well, general, we have left you a long time together. Shall I give you joy? Gen. Sav. No: wish me demolished in the fortifications of Dunkirk. ed. Mrs Bel. What's the matter? Lady Rach. The general appears disconcert Lee. The gentleman looks as if he had fought a hard battle. Con. Ay, and gained nothing but a defeat, my dear. Tor. I'll shew cause for his behaviour. Gen. Sav. Death and damnation! not for the world! I am taken by surprise here; let me consider a moment how to cut my way through the enemy. Miss Wal. How could you be deceived in this manner? [To the CAPT. Lady Rach. O, Mr Torrington! we are much obliged to you; you have been in town ever since last night, and only see us now by accident. Tor. I have been very busy, madam; but you look sadly, very sadly, indeed! your old disorder the jaundice, I suppose, has been very troublesome to you? Lady Rach. Sir, you have a very extraordina ry mode of complimenting your acquaintance. Con. I don't believe, for all that, that there's a word of a lie in the truth he speaks. [Aside. Lee. Mr Torrington, your most obedientYou received my letter, I hope? Tor. What, my young barrister! Have you any more traders from Dantzick to be naturalized? Con. Let us only speak to you in private; and we'll there clear up the affair before the whole company. Tor. [Speaking apart to LEESON and CON.] This gentleman's letter has already cleared it up to my entire satisfaction; and I don't know whether I am most pleased with his wit, or charmed with his probity. However, Mr Leeson, I used the bailiffs sadly. Bailiffs are generally sad fellows to be sure; but we must love justice for our own sakes. Lee. Unquestionably, sir; and they shall be amply recompensed for the merit of their sufferings. Con. And the merit of suffering, I fancy, is the only merit that is ever likely to fall to the share of a sheriff's officer. Tor. One word—one word more, Mr Leeson. I have inquired your character, and like itlike it much. Forgive the forwardness of an old man. You must not want money-you must not, indeed Lee. Sir Tor. Pray don't be offended-I mean to give my friends but little trouble about my affairs when I am gone. I love to see the people happy that my fortune is to make so; and shall think it a treason against humanity to leave a shilling more than the bare expences of my funeral. Breakfast with me in the morning. Lee. You overwhelm me with this generosity; but a happy revolution in my fortunes, which you will soon know, renders it wholly unnecessary for me to trouble you. Mrs Tem. [Behind.] I say, you feather-headed puppy, he is in this house; my own servant saw him come in, and I will not stir till I find him. Gen. Sav. She here! then, deliberation is over, and I am entirely blown up. Lady Rach. I'll take notes of this affair. Enter MRS TEMPLE. Mrs Tem. Mighty well, sir! So you are in love, it seems? and you want to be married, it seems? Lee. My blessed aunt! O, how proud I am of the relation! Gen. Sav. Dear Bab, give me quarter before all this company. Mrs Tem. You are in love, you old fool, are you? and you want to marry Miss Walsingham, indeed! Con. I never heard a pleasanter spoken gentlewoman- -O honey, if I had the taming of her, she should never be abusive, without keeping a civil tongue in her head. Mrs Tem. Well, sir, and when is the happy day to be fixed? Bel. What the devil, is this true, general? Gen. True-Can you believe such an absurdity? Mrs Tem. Why, will you deny, you miserable old muminy, that you made proposals of marriage to her? Gen. Sav. Yes I do-no, I don't-proposals of marriage! Miss Wal. In favour of your son-I'll help [Aside. Con. [Wiping his eyes.] Upon my soul, this is a most worthy old crater-to be his own execu-him out a little. tor. If I was to live any long time among such people, they would soon be the death of me, with their very goodness. Mrs Bel. Miss Walsingham, captain Savage has been telling Mr Belville and me of a very extraordinary mistake. Miss Wal. 'Tis very strange, indeed; mistake on mistake. Gen. Suv. Yes, in favour of my sonwhat the devil shall I do? Mrs Bel. Shall I take a lesson from this lady, Mr Belville? Perhaps, if the women of virtue were to pluck up a little spirit, they might be soon as well treated as kept mistresses. Mrs Temp. Hark'e, general Savage, I believe you assert a falsehood; but if you speak the Bel. 'Tis no way strange to find every body truth, give your son this moment to Miss Walproperly struck with the merit of Miss Walsing-singham, and let me be fairly rid of my rival. ham. Miss Wal. A compliment from you, now, Mr Belville, is really worth accepting. Gen. Sav. If I thought the affair could be kept a secret, by making the town over to my son, since I am utterly shut out myself Capt. Sav. He seems exceedingly embarrassed. Gen. Sav. If I thought that--why, mortified as I must be in giving it up, I think I could resolve upon the manoeuvre, to save myself from universal ridicule but it can't be; it can't be; and I only double my own disappointment in rewarding the disobedience of the rascal who has supplanted me. There! there! they are all talking of it, all laughing at me, and I shall run mad. Gen. Sav. My son! Miss Walsingham! Miss Walsingham, my son! Bel. It will do, Horace; it will do. Mrs Tem. No prevarications, general Savage! Do what I bid you instantly, or, by all the wrongs of an enraged woman, I'll so expose you! Con. What a fine fellow this is to have the command of an army! Gen. Sav. If Miss Walsingham can be prevailed upon Tor. O, she'll oblige you readily—but you must settle a good fortune upon your son. Mrs Tem. That he shall do. Mrs Bel. Miss Walsingham, my dearMiss Wal. I can refuse nothing either to your request, or to the request of the general. Gen. Sav. Oblige me with your hand, then, ma dam: come here, you- -come here, captain.There, there is Miss Walsingham's hand for you. Con. And as pretty a little fist it is, as any in the three kingdoms. Gen. Sav. Torrington shall settle the fortune. Lee. I give you joy, most heartily, madam. Bel. We all give her joy. Capt. Sav. Mine is beyond the power of expression. Miss Wal. [Aside to the company.] And so is the general's, I believe. Con. O, faith, that may be easily seen, by the sweetness of his countenance. Tor. Well, the cause being now, at last, determined, I think we may all retire from the court. Gen. Sav. And without any great credit, I fear, to the general. Con. By my soul, you may say that! Mrs Tem. Do you murmur, sir? Come this moment home with me. Gen. Sav. I'll go any where to hide this miserable head of mine: what a damned campaign have I made of it! [Exeunt GENERAL SAVAGE and MRS TEMPEST. Con. Upon my soul, if I was in the general's place, I would divide the house with this devil; I would keep within doors myself, and make her take the outside. Lady Rach. Here's more food for a comedy. Lee. So there is, madam; and Mr Torrington, to whose goodness I am infinitely obliged, could tell you some diverting anecdotes, that would enrich a comedy considerably. Con. Ay, faith, and a tragedy, too! Tor. I can tell nothing but what will redound to the credit of your character, young man. Bel. The day has been a busy one, thanks to the communicative disposition of the captain. Mrs Bel. And the evening should be cheerful. Bel. I shan't, therefore, part with one of you, till we have had a hearty laugh at our general adventures. Miss Wal. They have been very whimsical, indeed; yet, if represented on the stage, I hope they would be found not only entertaining, but instructive. Lady Rach. Instructive! why the modern critics say, that the only business of comedy is to make people laugh. Bel. That is degrading the dignity of letters exceedingly, as well as lessening the utility of the stage. A good comedy is a capital effort of genius, and should, therefore, be directed to the noblest purposes. Miss Wal. Very true; and unless we learn something while we chuckle, the carpenter, who nails a pantomime together, will be entitled to more applause, than the best comic poet in the kingdom. [Exeunt omnes. SCENE I-A street in Bath. ACT I. Coachman crosses the stage-Enter FAG, looking after him. Fag. WHAT! Thomas! Sure 'tis he?-What! Thomas! Thomas! Coach. Hey! Odds life! Mr Fag! give us your hand, my old fellow-servant. Fag. Excuse my glove, Thomas !—I'm devilish glad to see you, my lad: why, my prince of charioteers, you look as hearty!-But who the deuce thought of seeing you in Bath! Coach. Sure, master, Madam Julia, Harry, Mrs Kate, and the postillion, be all come. Fag. Indeed! Coach. Av! Master thought another fit of the gout was coming to make him a visit; so he'd a mind to gi't the slip, and whip! we were all off at an hour's warning. Fag. Ay, ay! hasty in every thing, or it would not be sir Anthony Absolute. Coach. But tell us, Mr Fag, how does young master? Odd! sir Anthony will stare to see the captain here! Fag. I do not serve captain Absolute now. Fag. At present I am employed by ensign Beverley. Coach. I doubt, Mr Fag, you ha'n't changed for the better. Fag. I have not changed, Thomas. Coach. No! why, didn't you say you had left young master! Fag. No. Well, honest Thomas, I must puzzle you no farther-briefly then-Captain Absolute | polish a little; indeed you must Here, now, and ensign Beverley are one and the same per- this wig! what the devil do you do with a wig Thomas? none of the London whips of any degree of ton wear wigs now. son. Coach. The devil they are! Fag. So it is indeed, Thomas; and the ensign-half of my master being on guard at present-the captain has nothing to do with me. Coach. So, so! what, this is some freak, I warrant! Do tell us, Mr Fag, the meaning o'tyou know I ha' trusted you. Fag. You'll be secret, Thomas? Fag. Why, then, the cause of all this islove-love,Thomas, who (as you may get read to you) has been a masquerader ever since the days of Jupiter. Coach. Ay, ay; I guessed there was a lady in the case: but pray, why does your master pass only for ensign? now, if he had shammed general indeed Fag. Ah! Thomas, there lies the mystery of the matter. Hark'e, Thomas; my master is in love with a lady of a very singular taste: a lady, who likes him better as a half-pay ensign, than if she knew he was son and heir to sir Anthony Absolute, a baronet of three thousand a-year. Coach. That is an odd taste indeed!-but has she got the stuff, Mr Fag? is she rich, hey? Fag. Rich! why, I believe she owns half the stocks! Zounds! Thomas, she could pay the national debt as easily as I could my washerwoman! She has a lap-dog that eats out of gold; she feeds her parrot with small pearls; and all her thread papers are made of bank-notes! Coach. Bravo! faith! Odd! I warrant she has a set of thousands at least: but does she draw kindly with the captain? Fag. As fond as pigeons. Coach. May one hear her name? Fag. Miss Lydia Languish. But there is an old tough aunt in the way; though, by the by, she has never seen my master; for he got acquainted with miss while on a visit in Gloucestershire. Coach. Well, I wish they were once harnessed together in matrimony. But pray, Mr Fag, what kind of a place is this Bath? I ha' heard a deal of it; here's a mort o' merry making-hey? Coach. More's the pity! more's the pity, I say! Odd's life! when I heard how the lawyers and doctors had took to their own hair, I thought how 'twould go next: Odd rabbit it! when the fashion had got foot on the bar, I guessed 'twood mount to the box! but 'tis all out of character, believe me, Mr Fag: and look'ee, I'll never gi up mine; the lawyers and doctors may do as they will. Fag. Well, Thomas, we'll not quarrel about that. Coach. Why, bless you, the gentlemen of they professions ben't all of a mind; for, in our vil lage now, thof Jack Gauge, the exciseman, has ta'en to his carrots, there's little Dick, the farrier, swears he'll never forsake bis bob, though all the college should appear with their own heads! Fag. Indeed! well said, Dick! but holdmark! mark! Thomas. Coach. Zooks! 'tis the captain! Is that the lady with him? Fag. No, no! that is madam Lucy, my master's mistress's maid. They lodge at that house. But I must after him, to tell him the news. Coach. Odd! he's giving her money! well, Mr Fag Fag. Good by, Thomas! I have an appointment in Gyde's Porch this evening at eight; meet me there, and we'll make a little party. [Exeunt severally. SCENE II-A dressing-room in MRS MALAPROP'S lodgings. LYDIA sitting on a sopha, with a book in her hand. Enter Lucy, as just returned from a message. Lucy. Indeed, ma'am, I traversed half the town in search of it: I don't believe there's a circulating library in Bath I ha'n't been at. Lydia. And could not you get 'The Reward of Constancy?' Lucy. No, indeed, ma'am. Lydia. Nor The Fatal Connection?' Fag. Pretty well, Thomas, pretty well; 'tis a good lounge: In the morning we go to the pumproom (though neither my master nor I drink the waters); after breakfast, we saunter on the parades, or play a game at billiards; at night we dance: but damn the place, I'm tired of it; their regular hours stupify me! not a fiddle nor a card after eleven! however, Mr Faulkland's gentle-away. man and I keep it up a little in private parties. I'll introduce you there, Thomas; you'll like him much. Coach. Sure I know Mr Du-Peigu; you know his master is to marry madam Julia. Fag. I had forgot. But, Thomas, you must Lydia. Nor The Mistakes of the Heart! Lucy. Ma'am, as ill luck would have it, Mr Bull said Miss Sukey Saunter had just fetched it Lydia. Heigh-ho!—Did you inquire for The Delicate Distress?' Lucy. Or, The Memoirs of Lady Woodford? Yes indeed, ma'am. I asked every where for it; and I might have brought it from Mr Frederick's; but lady Slattern Lounger, whe |