just before thrown down his Vifage, which, it feems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a moft fhameful length; I believe the very Chin was, modeftly fpeaking, as long as my whole Face. We had both of us an Opportunity of mending our felves, and all the Contributions being now brought in, every Man was at Liberty to exchange his Misfortune for those of another Perfon. But as there arofe many new Incidents in the Sequel of my Vision, I shall referve them for the Subject of my next Paper. N° 559. I Friday, June 25. Quid caufæ eft, meritò quin illis Jupiter ambas Tam facilem dicat, votis ut præbeat aurem ? Hor. N my laft Paper, I gave my Reader a Sight of that Mountain of Miferies, which was made up of those feveral Calamities that afflict the Minds of Men. I faw, with unfpeakable Pleasure, the whole Species thus delivered from its Sorrows: though at the fame time, as we flood round the Heap, and furveyed the feveral Materials of which it was compofed, there was fcarce a Mortal, in this vaft Multitude, who did not difcover what he thought Pleasures and Bleffings of Life; and wonder'd how the Owners of them ever came to look upon them as Burdens and Grievances. AS we were regarding very attentively this Confufion of Miferies, this Chaos of Calamity, Jupiter issued out a fecond Proclamation, that every one was now at Liberty to exchange his Affliction, and to return to his Habitation with any fuch other Bundle as should be delivered to him. UPON this, FANCY began again to beftir her felf, and parcelling out the whole Heap with incredible Activity, recommended to every one his particular Packet. Packet. The Hurry and Confufion at this time was not to be expreffed. Some Obfervations, which I made upon the Occafion, I fhall communicate to the Publick. A venerable gray-headed Man, who had laid down the Colick, and who I found wanted an Heir to his Eftate, fnatched up an undutiful Son, that had been thrown into the Heap by his angry Father. The gracelets Youth, in lefs than a quarter of an Hour, pulled the old Gentleman by the Beard, and had like to have knocked his Brains out; fo that meeting the true Father, who came towards him with a Fit of the Gripes, he begg'd him to take his Son again, and give back his Colick; but they were incapable either of them to recade from the Choice they had made. A poor Gally-Slave, who had thrown down his Chains, took up the Gout in their ftead, but made fuch wry Faces, that one might eafily perceive he was no great Gainer by the Bugan. It was pleafant enough to fee the feveral Exchanges that were made, for Sicknefs against Poverty, Hunger againit want of Appetite, and Care against Pain. THE Female World were very bufy among themfelves in bartering for Features; one was trucking a Lock of gray Hairs for a Carbuncle, another was making over a fhort Wafte for a Pair of round Shoulders, and a third cheapning a bad Face for a loft Reputation: But on all thefe Occafions, there was not one of them who did not think the new Blemish, as foon as he had got it into her Poffeffion, much more difagreeable than the old one. I made the fame Obfervation on every other Misfortune or Calamity, which every one in the Affembly brought upon himfelf, in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the Evils which befal us are in fome meafure fuited and proportioned to our Strength, or that every Evil becomes more fupportable by our being accuftomed to it, I shall not determine. I could not for my Heart forbear pitying the poor hump-back'd Gentleman mentioned in the former Paper, who went off a very well fhaped Perfon with a Stone in his Bladder; nor the fine Gentleman who had ftruck up this Bargain with him, that limped thro' a VOL. VIII. B whole whole Affembly of Ladies, who used to admire him, with a Pair of Shoulders peeping over his Head. Ι I must not omit my own particular Adventure. My Friend with the long Vifage had no fooner taken upon him my fhort Face, but he made fuch a grotesque Figure in it, that as I looked upon him I could not forbear laughing at my felf, infomuch that I put my own Face out of Countenance. The poor Gentleman was fo fenfible of the Ridicule, that I found he was afhamed of what he had done: On the other fide I found that my felf had no great Reafon to triumph, for as I went to touch my Forehead I miffed the Place, and clapped my Finger upon my upper Lip. Befides, as my Nofe was exceeding prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky Knocks as I was playing my Hand about my Face, and aiming at some other Part of it. I faw two other Gentlemen by me, who were in the fame ridiculous Circumftances. Thefe had made a foolifh Swop between a Couple of thick bandy Legs, and two long Trapflicks that had no Calfs to them. One of these looked like a Man walking upon Stilts, and was fo lifted up into the Air above his ordinary Height, that his Head turned round with it, while the other made fuch aukward Circles, as he attempted to walk, that he scarce knew how to move forward upon his new Supporters: Obferving him to be a pleasant Kind of Fellow I ftuck my Cane in the Ground, and told him I would lay him a Bottle of Wine, that he did not march up to it on a Line, that I drew for him, in a Quarter of an Hour. THE Heap was at laft diftributed among the two Sexes, who made a moft piteous Sight, as they wandered up and down under the Preffure of their feveral Burdens. The whole Plan was filled with Murmurs and Complaint, Grones and Lamentations. Jupiter at length, taking Compaffion on the poor Mortals, ordered them a fecond time to lay down their Loads, with a Defign to give every one his own again. They dif charged themselves with a great deal of Pleasure, after which, the Phantom, who had led them into fuch grofs Delutions, was commanded to difappear. There was fent in her ftead a Goddess of a quite different Figure : Her Her Motions were steady and compofed, and her Afpect ferious but chearful. She every now and then caft her Eyes towards Heaven, and fixed them upon Jupiter: Her Name was PATIENCE. She had no fooner placed her felf by the Mount of Sorrows, but, what I thought very remarkable, the whole Heap funk to fuch a Degree, that it did not appear a third part fo big as it was before. She afterwards returned every Man his own proper Calamity, and teaching him how to bear it in the most commodious Manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own Choice, as to the kind of Evils which fell to his Lot. BESIDES the feveral Pieces of Morality to be drawn out of this Vision, I learnt from it, never to repine at my own Misfortunes, or to envy the Happiness of another, fince it is impoffible for any Man to form a right Judgment of his Neighbour's Sufferings; for which Reafon alfo I have determined never to think too lightly of another's Complaints, but to regard the Sorrows of my Fellow-Creatures with Sentiments of Humanity and Compaffion. N° 560. Monday, June 28. Verba intermila retentat. Ov. Met. VERY one has heard of the famous Conjurer, Ewho, according to the Opinion of the Vulgar, has ftudied himself dumb; for which Reafon, as it is believed, he delivers out all his Oracles in Writing. Be that as it will, the blind Tirefias was not more famous in Greece, than this dumb Artift has been for fome Years last paft, in the Cities of London and Weftminfer. Thus much for the profound Gentleman who honours me with the following Epistle. B 2 SIR, 6 SIR, From my Cell, June 24, 1714. BEING informed that you have lately got the Ufe of your Tongue, I have fome Thoughts of following your Example, that I may be a Fortune-teller properly fpeaking. I am grown weary of my Taciturnity, and having ferved my Country many Years under the Title of the dumb Doctor, I fhall now prophefy by Word of Mouth, and (as Mr. Lee fays of the Magpy, who you know was a great Fortune⚫teller among the Ancients) chatter Futurity. I have ⚫ hitherto chofen to receive Questions and return Anfwers in Writing, that I might avoid the Tediouf⚫ nefs and Trouble of Debates, my Querifts being generally of a Humour to think, that they have never Predictions enough for their Money. In fhort, Sir, 6 my Cafe has been fomething like that of those discreet • Animals the Monkeys, who, as the Indians tell us, can fpeak if they would, but purpofely avoid it that they may not be made to work. I have hitherto gained a Livelihood by holding my Tongue, but fhall now open my Mouth in order to fill it. If I appear a little Word-bound in my first Solutions and Refponfes. I hope it will not be imputed to any Want of Forefight, but to the long Difufe of Speech. I doubt not by this Invention to have all my former Cuftomers over again, for if I have promifed any of them Lovers or Husbands, Riches or good Luck, it is my Defign to confirm to them viva voce, what I have already given them under my Hand. If you will honour me with a Vifit, I will compliment you with the first opening of my Mouth, and if you please you may make an entertaining Dialogue out of the Converfation of two dumb Men. Excufe this Trouble, worthy Sir, from one who has been a long time 6 6 6 |