صور الصفحة
PDF
النشر الإلكتروني
[graphic]

The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him,
Yea, all such as call upon him faithfully;

He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him,

He also will hear their cry, and will help them.

Commit thy way unto the Lord, and put thy trust in h
And he shall bring it to pass:

As I listened to such words, I might almost say a great Christian, Their glory was then so weigh 'me, that I was both once and twice ready to swoon 'sat; yet not with grief and trouble, but with solid jo 'peace'; and, going to my own room, hours went often till a summer's dawning broadened over the scape (and if this deserve scorn, I take it gladly) thousand prayers for all blessings known to me or known on Désirée, for the grace which should mak suppliant worthy of her, for the hope of life. Nor these exercises of faith narrowed to leisure or silent ho such thoughts were my litany at every turning-p everything begun or ended throughout the day. college routine of chapel attendance, judged of by W worth in the Prelude' as most thinking men will j it, was then to me, bound in this passionate supersti one happy privilege more, an hour set aside by a consecration to summon up the thoughts of Love in ' own native place,' to be in closer communion Désirée :- as the organ in its loftiest thunders sl 'the prophets blazon'd on the panes,' to speak her m aloud; to intercalate it in every supplication of Liturgy. When I add, with truth I may, that an earnest deavour to carry the precepts of the faith into daily life, some success, some faults the fewer, some sturdier acti

him,

ast in him,

st say with weighty on

swoon as

lid joy and vent by,the landadly) in a

me or un

make the Nor were ent hours:

ing-point,

ay. The y Words

will judge perstition, y a holy e'in her

on with rs shook

er name

of the

nest enlife, and activity

I

in facing labour and amusement, some penitential renunciation of sin accompanied them, need I further add, that the boy never doubted the efficacy of his prayers?prayers, he thought, inscribed surely on some purple. pages, and laid up within the archives of Heaven.

VII But the answer was not to be yet. When it came, and then after God's fearful irony, by years more granted for deeper appreciation of that dear one, had poisoned the loss with a tenfold bitterness, was I to be blamed, if unable not to give this contradiction between express promise and utter unfulfilment its only name? That a million prayers, and no prayers should bring the same result, is it not sad? If individual experiences are with justice allowed weighty to prove the truth of supernatural mercy, if men appeal to the blessings they enjoy, the things Heaven has done for them, can experiences absolutely opposite be without weight also? I hear the sophist's shallow murmur 'apparent contradiction'; I know the answers that many who have not undergone such trial, and some who have, will bring forward with triumphant readiness they shall be hereafter considered: one only I meet here with a denial the most forcible I can find words for. That which God for whatever inscrutable purposes withheld, counted high amongst His highest blessings. There lies the bitterness past death, the irremediable calamity. It is truly not the lost Faith I mourn, but the lost Darling. With humble uncertainty on the mysteries I rest satisfied: but the many desolate years have given me large opportunity to judge, and this in circumstances which might well leave the mind free for dispassionate judgment, that in my honoured Désirée I should have gained all that the reason can most calmly prize, or the heart most fondly long for. Tears of blood, were such

:

[graphic]

possible, would faintly render the pain of this co for one who in the annals of revelation, even mos interpreted, in the presages of Nature can rea thentic promise that personal recognition, renewal sympathies, are amongst the blessings of the mo blessed eternity, it is to own I have lost the great tr existence for ever. Such she had now become. Fo that tardy and imperfect advance of mine, the p nineteen seasons had carried Désirée harmoniously many steps towards an excellence seldom perhap ciated, seldom attained. Of what she had been I, thinking a child's judgment on a child of sligh have said little: any picture I can draw, will of inefficient; yet I must. I take her guardian a witness for the sincerity of my words: the praise may naturally misesteem as partiality, will to him beneath her deserts; he knows that if I loved his ling too well, yet that to love Désirée was in i love wisely.

VIII And yet the character I have to describe i degree fell short, far short, it may be, of perfectio were the faults such as, perhaps for the grace and pliment of saying it, men say often, endear any de more. The phrase is pretty, but even applied to it has never seemed to me quite sincere; much less I have borne to think so slightingly of Désirée as wish her in every conjuncture and circumstance 'virtuousest, discreetest, best'; and, O! without one of dread that she could thus become less humanly .. That I gave her so many years of love, all that life life, and in vain, should I, I have heard it so mated, count this a fault? Did I err in holding capacity of affection not less than her rich inheritan

[graphic]

ssion: terally

0 au

uman

highly ure of

ring

of

-ward

ppre

erto,

alue,

se be

1 to

hers

pear

rse

to

ome

nor

one

-TS,

ald

to

st,

ch

de

i

er

f

[graphic]

here, I have often thought, was a little. Perhaps, a too happy in her happiness-perhaps, from a native pendence of soul so strong that it measured all by her holy simplicity,' she, forgetful always of herself, be, or seem, in little things forgetful of others; too fident of love to care for the expression of sympa inclined to slight all slights; and less willing to co the error of today than to efface it by a thousand gra words and deeds of thoughtful kindness tomorrow. dear dear creature, in a word, was blessed so largely God's rarest gift of nobleness, that, in the warmth and of girlhood, if she erred, it was from a transitory s of overflowing nature. When I heard her misjudge blamed by any others, her faults, even acknowled arose (I thought) from an excellence beyond their app ation. And if at such moments it was not in na to resist the delight of defending Désirée, immediat regretted I had not, with Dante, held my peace, and 'the world say its will'; satisfied to the full with my truer estimate of her worth, and holding her far too to care to bias others in her favour.

IX Far indeed was Désirée from over-care, from care almost for her judgment by general acquaintan those who knew her, and no more; in a word, by the w as I take the term ordinarily to signify. But that could see her and not judge her truly, often at first prized me. For hers, as with all great souls, was a racter graced by an exquisite unity: all thoughts. 'passions, all delights' in her flowed from that predo nating nobleness. From the first glance of those vi eyes to the last, lighted up though they might be with our human variety of feeling, this confession at leas never failed to read there; the emanations of this glor

[ocr errors]
« السابقةمتابعة »