Juan. A provident charity. Are you for the wars, sir?

Caca. I am not poor enough to be a soldier, Nor have I faith enough to ward a bullet; There is no lining for a trench, I take it. Juan. Ye have said wisely.

Caca. Had you but my money,

You'd swear it, colonel. I had rather drill at home

A hundred thousand crowns, and with more ho

nour,

Than exercise ten thousand fools with nothing. A wise man safely feeds, fools cut their fingers. Sun. A right state usurer. Why dost not

marry,

And live a reverend justice?

Caca. Is it not nobler to command a reverend

justice, than to be one?

And for a wife, what need I marry, captain, When every courteous fool, that owes me money, Owes me his wife too, to appease my fury?

Juan. Wilt thou go to dinner with us?

Caca. I will go, and view the pearl of Spain, the orient

Fair one, the rich one too; and I will be respected.

I bear my patent here; I will talk to her;
And when your captainships shall stand aloof,
And pick your noses, I will pick the purse
Of her affection.

Juan. The duke dines there to-day too, the
duke of Medina.

Caca. Let the king dine there!

He owes me money, and so far's my creature, And certainly I may make bold with mine own, captain.

San. Thou wilt eat monstrously.

Caca. Like a true born Spaniard :

Eat as I were in England, where the beef grows:
And I will drink abundantly, and then
Talk ye as wantonly as Ovid did,
To stir the intellectuals of the ladies;

I learnt it of my father's amorous scrivener. Juan. If we should play now, you must supply me.

Caca. You must pawn a horse troop, And then have at ye, colonel.

San. Come, let's go.

This rascal will make rare sport. How the ladies Will laugh at him!

Juan. If I light on him, I'll make his purse

Old Wom. Ha! What would ye have?
Per. My goods again. How came my trunks
all open?

Old Wom. Are your trunks all open?
Per. Yes, and clothes gone,

And chains and jewels. How she smells like hung beef,

The palsy, and pick-locks! Fye, how she belches The spirit of garlic!

Old Wom. Where's your gentlewoman? The young fair woman?

Per. What's that to my question?

She is my wife, and gone about my business.
Maid. Is she your wife, sir?

Per. Yes, sir: is that a wonder?
Is the name of wife unknown here?

Old Wom. Is she duly and truly your wife? Per. Duly and truly my wife! I think so, For I married her. It was no vision, sure! Maid. She has the keys, sir.

Per. I know she has; but who, has all my goods, spirit?

Old Wom. If you be married to that gentle

And kept the house; but going from her, sir,
For some lewd tricks she played.

Per. Plague o' the devil!

Am I, in the full meridian of my wisdom,
Cheated by a stale quean! What kind of lady
Is that that owns the house?

Old Wom. A young sweet lady.
Per. Of low stature?

Old Wom. She's indeed but little, but she's wondrous fair.

Per. I feel I'm cozened:
Now I am sensible I am undone.
This is the very woman sure, that cousin,
She told me would entreat but for four days
To make the house hers-I am entreated sweetly.
Maid. When she went out this morning, I saw,
sir,

She had two women at the door attending,
And there she gave them things, and loaded
them :
But what they were—

open, If they be yours.

-I heard your trunks too

Per. They were mine while they were laden; But now they've cast their calves, they're not worth owning.

Was she her mistress, say you?

Old Wom. Her own mistress, her very mistress, sir; and all you saw About and in that house was hers.

Per. No plate, no jewels, nor no hangings?
Maid. Not a farthing; she's poor, sir, a poor
shifting thing.
Per. No money?

Old Wom. Abominable poor, as poor as we are,
Money as rare to her, unless she steal it.
But for one single gown her lady gave her,
She might go bare, good gentlewoman.
Per. I'm mad now:

I think I am as poor as she, I'm wild else.
One single suit I have left too, and that's all,
And if she steals that she must flay me for it.
Where does she use?

Old Wom. You may find the truth as soon. Alas, a thousand concealed corners, sir, she lurks in;

And here she gets a fleece, and there another, And lives in mists and smokes where none can find her.

Per. Is she a whore too?

Old Wom. Little better, gentleman: I dare not say she is so, sir, because She's yours, sir: these five years she has firked A pretty living.

Per. She has firked me finely.

A whore and thief; two excellent moral learnings

In one she saint. I hope to see her legend.
Have I been feared for my discoveries,

And been courted by all women to conceal them;
Have I so long studied the art of this sex,
And read the warning to young gentlemen;
Have I professed to tame the pride of ladies,
And make them bear all tests; and am I tricked
now?

Caught in my own noose? Here's a rial left yet; There's for your lodging, and your meat for a week;

A silk-worm lives at a more plentiful ordinary,
And sleeps in a sweeter box.
Farewell, great grandmother;

If I do find you were an accessary,

'Tis but the cutting off two smoaking minutes! I'll hang ye presently.

Old Wom. And I deserve it-I tell you truth.
Per. Not I, I am an ass, mother.

Old Wom. O the rogue, the villain! Is this
usage for the fair sex.

[Exeunt.

SCENE V.-A grand apartment. Enter the DUKE OF MEDINA, JUAN DE CASTRO, ALONZO, SANCHIO, CACAFOGO, and Attendants. Duke. A goodly house.

Juan. And richly furnished too, sir.

Alon. Hung wantonly; I like that preparation; It stirs the blood into a hopeful banquet, And intimates the mistress free and jovial;

I love a house, where pleasure prepares wel

come.

Duke. Now, Cacafogo, how like you this mansion?

'Twere a brave pawn.

Caca. I shall be master of it;

Twas built for my bulk, the rooms are wide and spacious,

Airy, and full of ease, and that I love well.
I'll tell you, when I taste the wine, my lord,
And take the height of her table with my sto-
mach,

How my affection stands to the young lady,

Enter MARGARITTA, ALTEA, Ladies, and
Servant.

Mar. All welcome to your grace, and to these soldiers!

You honour my poor house with your fair pre

sence;

Those few slight pleasures, that inhabit here, sir, I do beseech your grace command; they're yours; Your servant but preserves them to delight ye.

Duke. I thank ye, lady. I am bold to visit ye, Once more to bless mine eyes with your sweet beauty.

It has been a long night, since you left the court, For, till I saw you now, no day broke to me. Mar. Bring in the duke's meat.

San. She's most excellent.

Juan. Most admirable fair, as e'er I looked on; I rather would command her than my regiment. Caca. I'll have a fling; 'tis but a thousand ducats,

Which I can cozen up in ten days.

Enter LEON.

Mar. Why, where's this dinner?
Leon. 'Tis not ready, madam,

Nor shall it be, until I know the guests too,
Nor are they fairly welcome till I bid them.
Juan. Is not this my Alferes? he looks another
thing;

Are miracles a-foot again?

Mar. Why, sirrah; why, sirrah, you!

Leon. I hear you, saucy woman;

And, as you are my wife, command your ab

sence,

And know your duty; 'tis the crown of modesty. Duke. Your wife!

Leon. Yes, good my lard, I am her husband, And, pray, take notice, that I claim that honour, And will maintain it.

Caca. If thou be'st her husband,

I am determined thou shalt be my cuckold;
I'll be thy faithful friend.

Leon. Peace, dirt and dunghill!

I will not lose my anger on a rascal.
Provoke me more, I'll beat thy blown-up body,
Till thou rebound'st again like a tennis-ball.

Caca. I'll talk with you another time. [Exit.
Alon. This is miraculous!

Mar. I'll be divorced immediately.
Leon. You shall not.

You shall not have so much will to be wicked.

I am more tender of your honour, lady.
You took me for a shadow,

You took me to gloss over your discredit,
To be your fool.

You had thought you had found a coxcomb.
I'm innocent of any foul dishonour I mean to ye;
Only I will be known to be your lord now,
And be a fair one, too, or I will fall for it.

Mar. I do command ye from me, thou poor
fellow,

Thou cozened fool!

Leon. Thou cozened fool!

I will not be commanded: I'm above ye.
You may divorce me from your favour, lady,
But from your 'state you never shall. I'll hold
that,

And hold it to my use; the law allows it.
And then maintain your wantonness, I'll wink
at it.

Mar. Am I braved thus in mine own house? Leon. 'Tis mine, madam!

You are deceived, I'm lord of it, I rule it,
And all that's in it; you've nothing to do here,
madam,

But as a servant to sweep clean the lodgings,
And at my farther will to do me service;
And so I'll keep it.

Mar. 'Tis well.

Leon. It shall be better.

Mar. As you love me, give way.
Leon. I will give none, madam;

I stand upon the ground of my own honour,
And will maintain it; you shall know me now
To be an understanding, feeling man,
And sensible of what a woman aims at;
A young proud woman, that has will to sail with;
A wanton woman, that her blood provokes too.
I cast my cloud off, and appear myself,
The master of this little piece of mischief,
And I will put a spell about your feet, lady;
They shall not wander, but where I give way

now.

Duke. Is this the fellow, that the people pointed at,

For the mere sign of man, the walking image? He speaks wondrous highly.

Leon. As a husband ought, sir,

In his own house; and it becomes me well, too. I think your grace would grieve, if you were put to it,

To have a wife or servant of your own, (For wives are reckoned in the rank of servants) Under your own roof to command ye.

She would even now swoon, if she could not cry, Else they were excellent, and I should grieve, too;

But falling thus, they shew nor sweet nor orient.
Put up, my lord! this is oppression,

And calls the sword of justice to relieve me,
The law to lend her hand, the king to right me;
All which shall understand how you provoke me.
In mine own house to brave me, is this princely?
Then to my guard; and if I spare your grace,
And do not make this place your monument,
Too rich a tomb for such a rude behaviour,
Mercy forsake me!

[Draws.

I have a cause will kill a thousand of ye.
Juan. Hold, fair sir, I beseech ye!
The gentleman but pleads his own right nobly.
Leon. He, that dares strike against the hus-

band's freedom,

The husband's curse stick to him, a tamed cuc

kold!

His wife be fair and young; but most dishonest,
Most impudent, and he have no feeling of it,
No conscience to reclaim her from a monster;
Let her lie by him like a flattering ruin,
And, at one instant, kill both name and honour
Let him be lost, no eye to weep his end,
And find no earth, that's base enough to bury him!
Now, sir, fall on, I'm ready to oppose ye.

Duke. I've better thought. I pray, sir, use your wife well.

Leon. Mine own humanity will teach me that,

sir.

And now, you're welcome all, and we'll to dinner; This is my wedding-day.

Duke. I'll cross your joy yet.

She's yours now, why should I look after her?

Enter PEREZ.

Per. 'Save ye, which is the lady of the house? Leon. That's she, sir, that good-natured pretty lady,

If you'd speak with her.

Juan. Don Michael!.

Per. Pray do not know me, I am full of busi

siness.

When I have more time I'll be merry with ye. It is the woman. Good madam, tell me truly, Had you a maid called Estifania?

Mar. Yes, truly had I.

Per. Was she a maid do you think?
Mar. I dare not swear for her;

For she had but a scant fame.

Per. Was she your kinswoman? Mar. Not that I ever knew; now I look better, I think you married her; give you much joy, sir. Per. Give me a halter.

Mar. You may reclaim her; 'twas a wild young girl.

Per. Is not this house mine, madam? Was not she owner of it? Pray, speak truly. Mar. No, certainly, I'm sure my money paid for it,

And ne'er remember yet I gave it you, sir.

Per. The hangings and the plate, too?
Mar. All are mine, sir,

And every thing you see about the building;
She only kept my house, when I was absent;
And so I'll keep it, I was weary of her.

Per. Where is your maid?

Mar. Do you not know, that have her?

SCENE I-A street. Enter PEREZ.

Per. I saw her later--would the devil had had her!

It is all true, I find; a wild-fire take her!
Juan. Is thy wife with child, Don Michael?
Thy excellent wife.

Art thou a man yet?

Alon. When shall we come and visit thee? San. And eat some rare fruit? Thou hast ad

mirable orchards.

You are so jealous now! Pox on your jealousy, How scornfully you look!

Per. Prithee leave fooling.

I'm in no humour now to fool and prattle.
Did she ne'er play the wag with you?
Mar. Yes, many times,

So often that I was ashamed to keep her.
But I forgave her, sir, in hopes she'd mend still;
And had not you o' the instant married her,
I'd
put her off.

Per. I thank ye; I am blest still;
Which way soe'er I turn I'm a made man.
Miserably gulled beyond recovery.

Juan. You'll stay and dine?

Per. Certain I cannot, captain. Hark in thine ear, 1 am the arrantest puppy, The miserablest ass! But I must leave ye. I am in haste, in haste. Bless you, good madam, And may you prove as good as my wife! Leon. What then, sir?

Per. No matter, if the devil had one to fetch the other. [Exit PEREZ. Leon. Will you walk in, sir? will your grace but honour me,

And taste our dinner? You are nobly welcome. All anger's past, I hope, and I shall serve ye. [Exeunt.

I'm glad I have found ye; for, in truth, I am weary,

Weary and lame with looking out your lordship.
Per. I have been in bawdy houses

Estif. I believe you, and very lately, too.
Per. 'Pray ye, pardon me;

To seek your ladyship, I have been in cellars,
In private cellars, where the thirsty bawds
Hear your confessions; I have been at plays,
To look you out among the youthful actors;
At puppet-shows, you are mistress of the mo-
tions;

At last, I went to church to seek you out;
'Tis so long since you were there, they have for-
got you.

Estif. You had a pretty progress; I'll tell mine now.

To look you out, I went to twenty taverns
Per. And are you sober?

Estif. Yes, I reel not yet, sir;

1

Where I saw twenty drunk, most of them soldiers.

There I had great hope to find you disguised, too; From hence to the dicing-house; there I found quarrels

Needless and fenceless, swords, pots, and candlesticks,

Tables, and stools, and all in one confusion,
And no man knew his friend. I left this chaos,
And to the surgeon's went: he willed me stay,
For, says he, learnedly, if he be tippled,
Twenty to one he whores, and then I hear of
him;

If he be mad, he quarrels, then he comes, too.
I sought ye where no safe thing would have ven-
tured,

Amongst diseases, base and vile, vile women;
For I remembered your old Roman axiom,
The more the danger, still the more the honour.
Last, to your confessor I came, who told me,
You were too proud to pray; and here I've
found ye.

Per. She bears up bravely, and the rogue is witty,

But I shall dash it instantly to nothing.
Here leave we off our wanton languages,
And now conclude we in a sharper tongue.
Why am I cozened?

Estif. Why am I abused?

Per. Thou most vile, base, abominable-
Estif. Captain.

Per. Thou stinking, over-stewed, incorrigi

ble

Estif. Captain.

Per. Do you echo me?

Estif. Yes, sir, and

before ye,

And round about ye! Why do you rail at me, For that was your own sin, your own knavery? Per. And brave me, too?

Estif. You'd best now draw your sword, cap-
tain !

Draw it upon a woman, do, brave captain,
Upon your wife, Oh, most renowned captain!
Per. A plague upon thee, answer me directly;
Why didst thou marry me?

Estif. To be my husband;

I thought you had had infinite, but I am cozened.

Per. Why didst thou flatter me, and shew me wonders?

A house and riches, when they are but shadows; Shadows to me!

Estif. Why did you work on me, (It was but my part to requite you, sir) With your strong soldier's wit, and swore you'd bring me

So much in chains, so much in jewels, husband, So much in right rich clothes?

Per. Thou hast them, rascal;

I gave them to thy hands, my trunks and all, And thou hast opened them, and sold my trea

sure.

VOL. II.

Here's a shoeing-horn chain gilt over; how it scenteth,

Worse than the dirty mouldy heels it served for! And here's another of a lesser value;

So little, I would shame to tie my dog in it.
These are my jointure; blush and save a labour,
Or else these will blush for ye.

Per. A fire subtle ye! are ye so crafty?
Estif. Here's a goodly jewel!

Did not you win this at Goletta, captain?
Or took it in the field from some brave bashaw?
See how it sparkles!-Like an old lady's eyes;
And fills each room with light, like a close lan-
thorn.

This would do rarely in an abbey window,
To cozen pilgrims.

Per. Prithee leave prating.

Estif. And here's a chain of whitings' eyes for pearls ;

A mussel-monger would have made a better. Per. Nay, prithee wife, my clothes, my clothes. Estif. I'll tell ye,

Your clothes are parallels to these, all counterfeit.

Put these and them on, you are a man of copper, A kind of candlestick,

A copper, a copper captain! these you thought, my husband,

To have cozened me withal; but I am quit with

No plate nor hangings

Estif. There are none, sweet husband. Shadow for shadow is as equal justice.

[PEREZ sings-ESTIFANIA sings. Can you rail now? Pray, put your fury up, sir, And speak great words! you are a soldier; thunder!

Per. I will speak little; I have played the fool, And so I am rewarded.

Estif. You have spoke well, sir; And now I see you're so comfortable, I'll heighten you again. Go to your house; They're packing to be gone; you must sup there; I'll meet you, and bring clothes and clean linen after,

And all things shall be well. I' colt you once