The TATLER.

309

[N° 93.

From Thurfd. Nov. 10. to Saturd. Nov. 12. 1709.

TH

Will's Coffee-bonfe, November 11.

HE French Humour of writing Epistles, and publishing their fulfom Compliments to each other, is a Thing I frequently complain of in this Place. It is, methink, from the Prevalence of this filly Cuftom, that there is fo little Inftruction in the Conversation of our distant Friends: For which Reafon, during the whole Course of my Life, I have defired my Acquaintance, when they write to me, rather to say fomething which fhould make me wish my felf with them, than make me Compliments that they wished themselves with me. By this Means, I have by me a Collection of Letters from most Parts of the World, which are as naturally of the Growth of the Place, as any Herb, Tree or Plant, of the Soil. This I take to be the proper Use of an Epistolary Commerce. To defire to know how Damon goes on with his Courtship to Silvia, or how the Wine tafts at the Old Devil, are thread-bear Subjects, and cold Treats, which our absent Friends might have given us without going out of Town for 'em. A Friend of mine who. went to travel, ufed me far otherwife; for he gave me a Prospect of the Place, or an Account of the People, from every Country thro' which he paffed. Among others which I was looking X 3

over

over this Evening, I am not a little delighted with this which follows:

Dear Sir,

Believe this is the first Letter that was ever fent

prefent Writing. Not to keep you in Sufpence, it comes to you from the Top of the highest Mountain in Switzerland, where I am now shivering among the eternal Frofts and Snows. I can fearce forbear dating it in December, though they call it the first of Auguft at the Bottom of the Mountain. I affure you, I can hardly keep my Ink from freezing in the middle of the Dog-Days. I am here entertained with the prettiest Variety of Snow-Prospects that you can imagine, and have feveral Pits of it before me that are very near as old as the Mountain it felf; for in this Country, it is as lafting as Marble. I am now upon a Spot of it, which they tell me fell about the Reign of Charlemain or King Pepin. The Inhabitants of the Country are as great Curiofities as the Country it felf: They generally hire themselves out in their Youth, and if they are Mufquet-Proof till about Fifty, they bring Home the Money they have got, and the Limbs they have left, to pass the rest of their Time among their native Mountains. One of the Gentlemen of the Place, who is come off with the Loss of an Eye only, told me by Way of Boaft, That there were now feven Wooden Legs in his Family; and that for these four Genenerations, there had not been one in his Line that carried a whole Body with him to the Grave. I believe you will think the Style of this Letter a little extraordinary; but the Rehearsal will tell you, that People in Clouds must not be con

fined to speak Sense; and I hope we that are above them may claim the fame Privilege. Wherever I am, I shall always be,

SIR,

Your moft Obedient,

Most Humble Servant.

I think they ought, in those Parts where the Materials are so easy to work, and at the same Time fo durable, (when any one of their Heroes comes Home from the Wars) to erect his Statue in Snow upon the Mountains, there to remain from Generation to Generation.

A Gentleman who is apt to expatiate upon any Hint, took this Occafion to deliver his Opinion upon our ordinary Method of fending young Gentlemen to travel for their Education, It is certain, said he, if Gentlemen travel at an Age proper for them, during the Course of their Voyages, their Accounts to their Friends, and after their Return, their Discourses and Converfations, will have in them fomething above what we can meet with from thofe who have not had those Advantages. At the fame Time it is to be observed, that every Temper and Genius is not qualified for this Way of Improvement. Men may change their Climate, but they cannot their Nature. A Man that goes out a Fool, cannot ride or fail himself into common Sense. Therefore let me but walk over London-Bridge with a young Man, and I'll tell you infallibly whether going over the Rialto at Venice will make him wifer,

It is not to be imagined how many I have faved in my Time from Banishment, by letting their Parents know they were good for nothing. But this is to be done with much Tenderness. There is my Coufin Harry has a Son, who is the dulleft Mortal that was ever born into our House. He had got his Trunk and his Books all packed up to be transported into Foreign Parts, for no Reafon but because the Boy never talked ; and his Father faid he wanted to know the World. I could not say to a fond Parent, that the Boy was dull; but looked grave, and told him, the Youth was very thoughtful, and I feared he might have fome Doubts about Religion, with which it was not proper to go into Roman-Catholick Countries. He is accordingly kept here till he declares himself upon fome Points, which I am fure he will never think of. By this Means, I have prevented the Dishonour of having a Fool of our House laughed at in all Parts of Europe. He is now with his Father upon his own Estate, and he has fent to me to get him a Wife, which I fhall do with all convenient Speed; but it shall be fuch a one, whofe good Nature fhall hide his Faults, and good Senfe fupply 'em. The Truth of it is, that Race is of the true British Kind: They are of our Country only; it hurts 'em to transplant 'em, and they are deftroyed if you pretend to improve 'em. Men of this folid Make are not to be hurried up and down the World, for (if I may fo fpeak) they are naturally at their Wits End; and it is an impertinent Part to disturb their Repofe, that they may give you only an Hiftory of their Bodily

Occur

Occurrences, which is all they are capable of obferving. Harry had an elder Brother who was tryed in this Way. I remember, all he could talk of at his Return, was, that he had like to have been drowned at fuch a Place, he fell out of a Chaife at another, he had a better Stomach when he moved Northward than when he turned his Course to the Parts in the South, and fo forth. It is therefore very much to be confidered, what Sense a Person has of Things when he is fetting out; and if he then knows none of his Friends and Acquaintance but by their Clothes and Faces, it is my humble Opinion, that he stay at Home. His Parents should take Care to marry him, and fee what they can get. out of him that Way; for there is a certain Sort of Men, who are no otherwife to be regarded, but as they defcend from Men of Confequence, and may beget valuable Succeffors. And if we confider, that Men are to be efteenied only as they are useful, while a stupid Wretch is at the Head of a great Family, we may say, the Race is fufpended; as properly as when it is all gone, we say, it is extinct.

From my own Apartment, November 11.

I had feveral Hints and Advertisements from unknown Hands, that fome, who are Enemies to my Labours, defign to demand the fashionable Way of Satisfaction for the Disturbance my Lucubrations have given them. I confefs, as Things now ftand, I don't know how to deny fuch Inviters, and am preparing my felf accordingly I have bought Pumps and Files, and am every Morning practising in my Chamber. My